wow...its been four months since i last posted and seven months of marriage
where did all the time go....????
Over the long salah holiday holiday i had time to wonder
I dated my ex for a little over 6 years and i cant remember much the life we had together. I tried to remember life, love and all that before the hubs and its all hazy
After 6 years of working in one place after graduation i resumed at a new place on the 2nd of July. i was nervous and apprehensive, understably, seeing that i'd worked at only one place all my life, but i'm settling real good. i went for lunch earlier today and drove past my former and office and i struggled to remember how it felt to work there and it was all hazy and blurry.
I used to read some blogs about marriage before i got married but there was this particular one i couldnt help but feel the author was going out of her way to convince us (the readers) that her life and her marriage was perfect. I remember always thinking this is fiction jare.......now i feel like i'm in the same shoes which is why i'm probably not blogging regularly (plus settling down into work).....
Either ways, i can't hide from the fact that i'm having an amazing year both Emotionally and Financially...it seems sureal most times.
So i'm trying to enjoy my money, my hubs and status quo before the family expands and another phase of life begins.
Speaking of babies....i'v never been the type to fawn over babies...my younger brother is 20 and he's the last born so i'v not really been around children, plus anytime i hang out with my one of my close friend that's a mother, her son literarilly drives me crazy, he's favorite word on earth is mummy and he can say it one million times, as soon as he notices his mom is not paying him attention. But these days the motherly feeling is creeping on me and its pleasant, i even close my eyes and imagine my children's face.
I'v started praying about it though, for God to bless the hubs and I with good and healthy children (when we are ready); even if its to pay me in Kind, because i believe i was the model kid, focused on my studies and God whilst i was growing up and did not give my parents head or heartaches.
P.S thanks to those that checked up on me via comments and email.
Currently, I am in one of those phases of life were everything is absolutely perfect. You know, those (4 in a lifetime times, ok maybe not that deep), rare times, when all the dots are connected.
Well, I just got a job in an industry that I’ve been trying to break into, for the past 2-3 years, and the pay is FAN-tas-TIC. More than what I asked for at the interview, and what I asked for, my jaws were trembling when I asked for it.
That aside, the hubs, marriage and I have been on a very pleasant, jolly and positive ride for the past 4 months (honeymoon phase, they say, I know, I know, but I know people that were unhappy, dissatisfied, etc. from the get go…so I’m still thankful.
Twas my 26th birthday, earlier in the month….I’m becoming old fast. Little wonder i'm being harassed fo kids everywhere i turn
So it’s been almost 4 months of marriage! And of course the why are you not pregnant / are you pregnant matter is popping up already?
Last weekend one of my best friend / maid of honor got married, I happened to be sitting on the same table with my mother and we had this conversation:
Mum: How are you now how is the hubs? Why dint he come for the wedding?
Me: He is fine, mummy, he is out of town, work!
Mum: Ok, are you pregnant?
Me: What? No! why? Do I look pregnant?
Mum: No! just that it’s been almost 4 months already
Me: ah, ok, we don’t plan to have kids now, I told you na! maybe next year
Mum: I reject it for you, what do you mean?
Me: We are not ready jo, emotionally or financially, besides we are enjoying our alone time
Mum: Alone time? what does that mean? Better do this thing now, that I’m around to help you
Me: you are just 51! Mummy, where do you plan on going, that you won’t be around to help me
Mum: DO it now oooooooooooooooo! It’s too risky to wait. you can have one, then rest
Me: Mummy, leave me alone jo, dint I tell you I was going for interviews, I’m about to change jobs, who would hire me if I’m pregnant
Mum: I hear you o! but family over career. Hope you ar not taking pills? My hand is not there o!
Me: o lawd, mummy! I'm not taking pills let me go and dance in with the bride
Last month, my mother in law was returning to America, she stays 6 months there and 6 months here, at the airport, she cornered me to have this conversation:
MIL: Better do quick and come to America to give birth now that I’m still there o, so I can help you
Me: Ok ma
MIL: All that one my son is saying, next year or 2 years’ time, don’t listen to him o! as women we have our ways, just do what you need to do. Once it has entered it has entered
Me: Ok ma, safe journey
1. Alone time – At my father’s house, it was rare to be home alone. My mom is a stay at home mom, my brother drove with me to the office, meaning we arrived and departed at the same time, etc.
These days, I leave the office typically between 5-9pm, depending on my work load. If I leave before 7pm, I head to the gym, except on Tuesday when I head to church or Friday when I hang out with my friends occasionally, or days I am tired and go straight home.
However, more often than not, regardless of any activity I embark on, I still get home before the hubs. The man gives the term “workaholic” a new definition.
I have been catching up on tv shows and my novels again after so many years. This is definitely a positive
2. Cooking - I cook dinner EVERY DAY and breakfast and dinner on weekdays! Previously, I used to go a whole month or two! without cooking. My mom like I said was a stay at home mom, so go figure!
When I lived with my parents, I woke up at 5am, got out of the house at 5:30am, got home between 10 & 11pm every weekday. Weekends, I attended lectures for 3 years when I was writing my professional exams, lectures back then began at 8am and ended at 9pm. With that crazy schedule cooking was definitely not in the front burner.
In school we were not allowed to cook and cooking for boyfriends wasn’t my cup of tea either, so for the first time ever in my life, I am cooking regularly, I have creative freedom in the kitchen , I am trying out new recipes, remaking old recipes I saw my mom make and I AM LOVING IT. The hubs says the thought dinner keeps him going at work all-day, and he compliments and appreciates my efforts a lot which also motivates me to bring my A game.
3. Not being a slob – the hubs has OCD as In literally the guy is a freak, a neat freak, he spends the better part of the weekend cleaning the house end to end, even my gas cooker and every nook of the kitchen is not spared. The effort he puts in motivates me to keep my stuff in order and to not make a mess. I am so grateful for a man who cleans up after himself, washes his dishes after eating and doesn’t add cleaning to my burdens.
4. Snoring – The hubs snores unfailingly every night, being the light sleeper that I am, I find myself awake sometimes, unable to sleep with the disturbance especially when the gen goes off. This gen matter is another wahala o! I wonder when Nigeria would get power right as a nation. It is so sad. The house we live in is a serviced apartment, we have a central 100kv gen *(DIESEL GUZZLER) shared by all occupants of the compound and it goes off between 12midnight and 5am! With the current heat wave (35 – 40degrees in Lagos), it is almost impossible to sleep well. I’v told the hubs that we must buy an inverter to fill in those hours as individual generators are not allowed.
Anyways, imagine the heat wave plus snoring . It equals discomforts. I have to buy earplugs. I don’t know how effective they are though.
I’m off to England on an 8day vacation alone! It sucks! I’m gonna miss the hubs loads. He’s been sulking and I’v been pretending not to notice. LOL
I am extremely grateful for amazing friends. I did not even know I had it this good.
BFF 1 – Flew in from the UK, came to the village for my trad, spent the entire day waiting on me, dancing with me, picking up sprayed money in 4 inch shoes, followed me to Benin the evening after the trad, followed me to Lagos and helped with the last week planning of the white. This amazing friend also bought my wedding shoes when I complained about how stressed I was finding shoes for white and trad and also helped me through my last minutes jitters. Amazing doesn’t quite cut it. Thanks T
BFF 2 – Also my chief bridesmaid, did all the market runs with me, helped with a lot of the coordination, entered an unfortunate bus, spent 12 hours on the road and almost got raped just to be with me for my trad. Spent the whole day waiting on me and followed me to Benin as well the evening of the trad took a whole weeks leave from work to support me.
Kept the train of my dress properly arranged all through the ceremony
Thanks W….can’t wait to return the favour in three months when you would be getting married
My brothers – they definitely did not sit down for one second on both days. Love you guys
And a whole lot of other amazing friends who helped with asoebi distribution, calls, prayers, text and blackberry messages, graced the occasion and of course
BLOGFAM; Thanks for being part of this amazing journey
Its almost midnight. I'm lying on my bed. Listening to music from the 90s. Its making me nostalgic.
Some of the music reminds me of my ex.. Our love for rap music and jay z was one thing we had in common. Funny how I spent six years with him and I can't really remember our relationship per say. Its like that part of me never existed. I wonder at the fickleness of love. How can someone be your world today and Tomorrow irrelevant in the grand scheme if things.
In less than 4 weeks I'll be married. I remember being that little girl that stayed up the entire night digesting romance novels, wondering about prince charming and how it felt to be swept off my feet and find true love and live happily ever after. When did I grow up and how did it happen so fast? I'm tempted to go and wear my wedding dress. Its hanging in my wardrobe waiting for my big day.
I'm crying....I don't know why. I'm so emotional these days. The slightest thing makes me cry.
Earlier this evening I looked at my dad and I felt so bad for all the fights we have had over this wedding planning. Some people wish their dad was alive to see their big day and here I am stressing about him hijacking my wedding. I love my dad so much and I'm thankful to God for keeping him and my mom alive to be a part of this.
My mom.....my respect for her has tripled since I became engaged. Its so hard to be a woman in this male dominated world. Harder self to he Married to a man like my dad I guess...its hard being his daughter....wonder how it is to be his wife. Childbirth...nurturing...all the sacrifices....its not easy at all. I pray God blesses her with long life to enjoy the fruit of her labor.
My friends have been amazing throughout this process. I have few friends and they have all come through for me.
This whole planning process has been a roller coaster of emotions. I guess its almost here.
I just need to survive the remaining three weeks.
I wonder how marriage would be....I pray its nowhere close to what this planning has been though.
I guess I'm about to find out
The tears are all gone....I'm actually smiling now....wierd indeed.
Tomorrow. My sister that God sent to another family is getting married.
We'v been friends since I was six and we moved to Lagos from Kaduna. She was the cute friendly little seven years old in the jeans mini skirt & cream top in church that sunday that was the beginning of a 19 year relationship.
She was the only daughter of her parents like I was and we decided to be each other's sisters.
By some stroke of fate, we ended up in the same secondary school. I remember those Saturdays she spent practicing to weave hair with mine (she soon perfected it like every other thing she laid her hands on).
She helped me grow spiritually and I helped her focus academically.
After secondary school, we went to the same jamb lesson. Ah! Those days of breakfast in her house.
Remember when she came to my house to tell me she got admission. We both cried and wrote about each other in our diaries. Lol.
Then her family moved to abuja! We did not have the holidays anymore.
When I got engaged I called her and she was so happy for me. Two weeks later she called me that her boyfriend proposed.
Fastforward to December. I bought my tickets to abuja. So I could go by road with her and her family to jos for her wedding.
With all these bombing and boko haram threat. My mom & my dad asked me not to go. Was gonna disobey them but they have a point. The whole Nigeria is unsafe. The North is triply unsafe.
My sister is getting married in jos tomorrow and I am here. Lying on my bed in Lagos, typing this, tears in my eyes.
Screw this country
Screw boko haram
Screw the Government for making fuel subsidy their priority with the current state of insecurity in the country