Thursday, September 6, 2012

The end of an era

this journey started in July 2008; over 4 years ago...

Reading through the story of my life has made me nostalgic, i'm so emotional right now.

I was 22...young, naive and full of expectations

I am 26 now and i can say life has delivered on some of these expectations

I have evolved from being the confused girl and wondering what the future held which necessitated taking relationship breaks and weighing my options

I got my heart broken along the way; salaries were paid late at work, a couple of dreams were dashed; everything that could go wrong went wrong; Discouragement, disappointment and dejection became my companion but day came after night and my hope became renewed



Along this walk i met this man


.....and he proposed.............

.....we got married............


.....got a fantastic job...........


and trying to live happily ever after!!!!!!!!

Now who said dreams don't come true?



MINE DID AND IS STILL COMING TRUE


thank you so much for going through this journey with me,

all my followers, all my readers, thank you for all your comments, for your support, for your comfort, for your companionship.

I however feel like i have evolved past this blog, hence, this is very likely my last post.
i'll still read your blogs, still comment here and there. and i can be reached via dolchic@gmail.com

Kisses,

Always and forever

Monday, September 3, 2012

Life is truly in Phases

wow...its been four months since i last posted and seven months of marriage


where did all the time go....????


Over the long salah holiday holiday i had time to wonder

I dated my ex for a little over 6 years and i cant remember much the life we had together. I tried to remember life, love and all that before the hubs and its all hazy

After 6 years of working in one place after graduation i resumed at a new place on the 2nd of July. i was nervous and apprehensive, understably, seeing that i'd worked at only one place all my life, but i'm settling real good. i went for lunch earlier today and drove past my former and office and i struggled to remember how it felt to work there and it was all hazy and blurry.


I used to read some blogs about marriage before i got married but there was this particular one i couldnt help but feel the author was going out of her way to convince us (the readers) that her life and her marriage was perfect. I remember always thinking this is fiction jare.......now i feel like i'm in the same shoes which is why i'm probably not blogging regularly (plus settling down into work).....

Either ways, i can't hide from the fact that i'm having an amazing year both Emotionally and Financially...it seems sureal most times.


So i'm trying to enjoy my money, my hubs and status quo before the family expands and another phase of life begins.



Speaking of babies....i'v never been the type to fawn over babies...my younger brother is 20 and he's the last born so i'v not really been around children, plus anytime i hang out with my one of my close friend that's a mother, her son literarilly drives me crazy, he's favorite word on earth is mummy and he can say it one million times, as soon as he notices his mom is not paying him attention. But these days the motherly feeling is creeping on me and its pleasant, i even close my eyes and imagine my children's face.

I'v started praying about it though, for God to bless the hubs and I with good and healthy children (when we are ready); even if its to pay me in Kind, because i believe i was the model kid, focused on my studies and God whilst i was growing up and did not give my parents head or heartaches.


P.S thanks to those that checked up on me via comments and email.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

That phase of life

Currently, I am in one of those phases of life were everything is absolutely perfect. You know, those (4 in a lifetime times, ok maybe not that deep), rare times, when all the dots are connected.



Well, I just got a job in an industry that I’ve been trying to break into, for the past 2-3 years, and the pay is FAN-tas-TIC. More than what I asked for at the interview, and what I asked for, my jaws were trembling when I asked for it.
That aside, the hubs, marriage and I have been on a very pleasant, jolly and positive ride for the past 4 months (honeymoon phase, they say, I know, I know, but I know people that were unhappy, dissatisfied, etc. from the get go…so I’m still thankful.



Twas my 26th birthday, earlier in the month….I’m becoming old fast. Little wonder i'm being harassed fo kids everywhere i turn

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

why are you not pregnant?


So it’s been almost 4 months of marriage! And of course the why are you not pregnant / are you pregnant matter is popping up already?
Last weekend one of my best friend / maid of honor got married, I happened to be sitting on the same table with my mother and we had this conversation:

Mum: How are you now how is the hubs? Why dint he come for the wedding?
Me: He is fine, mummy, he is out of town, work!
Mum: Ok, are you pregnant?
Me: What? No! why? Do I look pregnant?
Mum: No! just that it’s been almost 4 months already
Me: ah, ok, we don’t plan to have kids now, I told you na! maybe next year
Mum: I reject it for you, what do you mean?
Me: We are not ready jo, emotionally or financially, besides we are enjoying our alone time
Mum: Alone time? what does that mean? Better do this thing now, that I’m around to help you
Me: you are just 51! Mummy, where do you plan on going, that you won’t be around to help me
Mum: DO it now oooooooooooooooo! It’s too risky to wait. you can have one, then rest
Me: Mummy, leave me alone jo, dint I tell you I was going for interviews, I’m about to change jobs, who would hire me if I’m pregnant
Mum: I hear you o! but family over career. Hope you ar not taking pills? My hand is not there o!
Me: o lawd, mummy! I'm not taking pills let me go and dance in with the bride

ESCAPE!!!!!


Last month, my mother in law was returning to America, she stays 6 months there and 6 months here, at the airport, she cornered me to have this conversation:
MIL: Better do quick and come to America to give birth now that I’m still there o, so I can help you
Me: Ok ma
MIL: All that one my son is saying, next year or 2 years’ time, don’t listen to him o! as women we have our ways, just do what you need to do. Once it has entered it has entered
Me: Ok ma, safe journey

Phew!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Two months! Still Adjusting!


check out the first installment


Let’s start with the positives

1. Alone time – At my father’s house, it was rare to be home alone. My mom is a stay at home mom, my brother drove with me to the office, meaning we arrived and departed at the same time, etc.

These days, I leave the office typically between 5-9pm, depending on my work load. If I leave before 7pm, I head to the gym, except on Tuesday when I head to church or Friday when I hang out with my friends occasionally, or days I am tired and go straight home.
However, more often than not, regardless of any activity I embark on, I still get home before the hubs. The man gives the term “workaholic” a new definition.

I have been catching up on tv shows and my novels again after so many years. This is definitely a positive

2. Cooking - I cook dinner EVERY DAY and breakfast and dinner on weekdays! Previously, I used to go a whole month or two! without cooking. My mom like I said was a stay at home mom, so go figure!

When I lived with my parents, I woke up at 5am, got out of the house at 5:30am, got home between 10 & 11pm every weekday. Weekends, I attended lectures for 3 years when I was writing my professional exams, lectures back then began at 8am and ended at 9pm. With that crazy schedule cooking was definitely not in the front burner.

In school we were not allowed to cook and cooking for boyfriends wasn’t my cup of tea either, so for the first time ever in my life, I am cooking regularly, I have creative freedom in the kitchen , I am trying out new recipes, remaking old recipes I saw my mom make and I AM LOVING IT. The hubs says the thought dinner keeps him going at work all-day, and he compliments and appreciates my efforts a lot which also motivates me to bring my A game.

3. Not being a slob – the hubs has OCD as In literally the guy is a freak, a neat freak, he spends the better part of the weekend cleaning the house end to end, even my gas cooker and every nook of the kitchen is not spared. The effort he puts in motivates me to keep my stuff in order and to not make a mess. I am so grateful for a man who cleans up after himself, washes his dishes after eating and doesn’t add cleaning to my burdens.


The negative!

4. Snoring – The hubs snores unfailingly every night, being the light sleeper that I am, I find myself awake sometimes, unable to sleep with the disturbance especially when the gen goes off. This gen matter is another wahala o! I wonder when Nigeria would get power right as a nation. It is so sad. The house we live in is a serviced apartment, we have a central 100kv gen *(DIESEL GUZZLER) shared by all occupants of the compound and it goes off between 12midnight and 5am! With the current heat wave (35 – 40degrees in Lagos), it is almost impossible to sleep well. I’v told the hubs that we must buy an inverter to fill in those hours as individual generators are not allowed.

Anyways, imagine the heat wave plus snoring . It equals discomforts. I have to buy earplugs. I don’t know how effective they are though.

I’m off to England on an 8day vacation alone! It sucks! I’m gonna miss the hubs loads. He’s been sulking and I’v been pretending not to notice. LOL

Happy Easter! Enjoy the extended weekend

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Recaps: white wedding part two



Then we got to the reception:

I loved the decoration, the hall was transformed and I would definitely recommend my decorator to anyone getting married.

I also loved the cake….thumbs up for cakes and cream…I gave them a picture I culled from Bella naija that I liked and they exceeded my expectation.

Anyways, after dancing in and getting to our tent, we realized our chairman and his wife and our sponsor and his wife, were sitting beside us there, apparently, my sister in-law sat her own guests at our “high table”, this made the hubs very angry.

Also we made the mistake of telling the caterer to not serve food until we had danced and had our seats (so that our friends and bridal party people would also get food), however, people had been sitting and starving (trust Naija) for a while(while we took our photos at the church and the garden later), so by the time the serving started, everyone was distracted with eyes on the food and a lot of rowdiness going on


The following things made me angry:
Please, never trust venues that do not allow you bring in food and always use MULTIPLE caterers for your event. The in house catering service of the venue was highly disorganized, the food we paid for wasn’t served to specification, I was disappointed and angry. Thank God for my Sister in law who made arrangements for small chops, fish and chips, asun and suya. Else everything would have gone awry. My mom also made arrangement for 100 extra plates of food with an external caterer


Secondly, the drinks that the venue people served wasn’t cold at all, they had about 4 waiters when we agreed 12 with them, this made the serving slow and some people did not get any waiter to open their drinks for them. Luckily also my sister inlaw brought in cartons of Moet (champagne), a champman and cocktail mixer who served chilled cocktail.


We had to pay through our nose as corkage to bring these extra items in that morning! as if we knew they were going to fuck up. Their policy is no external food, no external drinks!


Then the most annoying of all, they said their generator went faulty that morning, so they couldn’t put on the central cooling unit for the hall, they put some industrial fans here and there but the place was still hot.


VGC Recreational Club…..i score them ZERO to be honest and I would not recommend them or their services to anybody. Infact after the wedding I went to make trouble with them and got a partial refund.


After venting for like 20 mins in anger, the hubs had to tell me emphatically to stop stressing and to enjoy my day. And I am glad I listened to him, I had fun, and danced and partied like there was no tomorrow (the alcohol also helped, LOL.).


I saw friend from jamb lesson, secondary school, university, my former church, it was so so great. At some point. Even after the ceremony, people stayed behind to dance and dance.



The Dj was fantastic, I would definitely recommend him to anyone

My parents and family left without saying goodbye, which was good, because it meant I succeeded in not shedding any tear that day.


We left the reception at past 6, went to the hotel to change, then went to Ikoyi for an after party. Called it a day at 11pm and went back to the hotel to crash and do what husband and wife do (winks)


My advice for brides that are planning:
1. Start early

2. Make a list of the things that are important to you and do not compromise on quality for the three (mine was my dress, my makeup and the photography because after all said and done, it is just the pictures you have to tell the story). I love my pictures

3. Have a budget

4. Do a trial / test run for your make up

5. Try your photographer out with say your pre wedding shoot

6. Have more than one caterer

7. Try to use different vendors for different things (diversify your risks as much as possible)

8. Indulge your parents

9. Don’t stress anything

10. Last minute jitters are normal (my CBM told me instead of worrying and fretting when you wake up in the midnight, why not just pray? And that helped a lot)

11. Attend pre wedding counseling sessions

12. Even if anything is going wrong on that day turn a blind eye to it, it is probably only you and a few others that would realize anyways

13. Enjoy your day




All in all, we overshot the wedding budget by a little over a million naira, but it was beautiful and at least 80% of what I hoped it would be.

We also got loads and lots of gifts, monies and cheques and was overall a fun and fulfilling process but I am happy it is behind us, I hope to never do it again.


Phew! Now that’s it for recaps. Il take the pictures down next week and start blogging about normal gist

Monday, March 12, 2012

Recaps: white wedding part one


Couldn’t sleep the night before, all sorts of thoughts running through my head, the day had been extremely busy for me, I went to the salon to make my hair so that I won’t have the wedding day over crammed, had my bouquet delivered, had my wedding programmes delivered and I still had to drive in traffic to get home as all my friends that were with me couldn’t drive.


I couldn’t make my appointment with pastor for the rehearsals and the man said to come early for 10am so we could have the rehearsals in our wedding outfits, shortly before the ceremony. What a joke? Why would I want my husband to see me in my dress before church??? I had to ask for the rehearsals to take place at 6am so I would have enough time to do up my hair and also wear my makeup and dress up afterwards.


I think I finally slept at 3am, only for my alarm to wake me up at 5;30am, my chief bridesmaid showered and we headed to church for the rehearsals, the hubs was there as well.

We got back at 7, I took a shower, then called the hairdresser who was definitely running late, she came at almost 8am, the same time with the make-up artiste. Whilst she was doing up my hair, I tried to catch up on gossip (Linda Ikeji), I read that SuzieQ died the night before so we (my bridesmaids, friends) started talking about it.

After the makeup and hair, I had to wear my dress which firstly had a corset, then an inner zipper and then enclosure buttons. I loved my dress a lot & got lots of compliments for it, it wasn’t indecent as in it dint show my cleavage or anything but the back was really low, so I still got to show off my flawless yallow skin (if I do say so myself).



That's my Maggie!!!!!

Anyways from there we went to church, to me everything raced from that point, the message was very unconventional (it focused on the men and my husband) as opposed to the regular women be submissive stuff we hear every time at weddings like a broken record, I also liked the song the choir sang.


Had some drama in church with the sleeves of my dress, couldn’t wait to get rid of it after church.

After, the service, we took some pictures in the church premises, then went to a nearby garden for more exotic pictures with the bridal train ( did I mention that 2 of the bridesmaids couldn’t make it so I had 4 bridesmaid as opposed to the 6 the hubs had).


But the pictures still turned out very well. I am so happy i did not stress it!

To Be Continued


Friday, March 9, 2012

Recaps: Trad Ceremony Part Two

Continuation from part one

My fiancé and his family and friend arrived but of course I couldn’t go out until I was called, so I stayed in the house and took shitloads of photos with my mom, friends and cousins.

It is pretty hazy from the time they called me out, I remember dancing out, with my cousins and friends in front and behind me, dancing round, greeting everyone, answering yes that I wanted to marry him and that they should accept the bride price, giving him the traditional drink of palm wine (in our own case cocacola) listening to my uncle (the elders) telling my hubs that I was now his wife and he should take care of me, us dancing, people spraying us money, my cousins winding their waist, lol.


Then the elders went behind closed doors to pay bride price and we got to change to our “uniform outfit” and take some more pictures. Came back outside and danced some more, cut our cake and the ceremony ended.



It was like an out of body experience. I can’t say that enough, like I was a spectator just watching a movie or something



On the way to Benin I felt so alone, so sad and so married. I missed my parents, my brothers, my cousins, my family, my village and I cried for almost the entire journey (one hour).



When we got to Benin my mother and sister in-laws welcomed me to their family and washed my legs and prayed for us then we went to our hotel room. We wanted to go out to celebrate with our friends and all but the tiredness no get part two so we just ordered room service and showered and the rest is behind drawn curtains.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

RECAPS: Trad Ceremony - Part One

Venue: My hometown in Delta State


The day before was very busy. My mom probably went to the market three times, my dad was shuttling the neighboring towns as well.


My bestie no 1 came in from Abuja, she had come in from the UK earlier in the week, was so excited and happy to see her and we had a lot to catch up on since we hadn’t seen in 15 months


My brothers came in from Lagos, my uncles, aunties, cousins came in from all over the country. So people kept arriving all day…shouts, hugs, excitement, EVERYTHING. It was truly a reunion.


At 10pm, bestie no 2 (my Chief Bridesmaid) said she was still at Ore (close to Benin), I was so freaking scared, I had to beg her to sleep in Benin, I called my fiancé to book and pay for a room in the hotel he was staying for her. She finally got to Benin at almost midnight. It was a horrendous experience to say the least. (later I got to know that their vehicle broke down twice on the road, she was almost raped and a lot of other horrible stuff). I really truly thank God that nothing happened to her.


I barely managed to close my eyes at about 2am and at 5am activities and noise filled everywhere and of course I was wide awake being the light sleeper that I was.


The women had started supervising the caterers that were hired to cook, the men had started meeting, the young boys were assembling canopies outside. People were moving up and down, doors were closing here and there.
I looked at my friend sleeping beside me, jealous of how she could sleep amidst all the noise….

I prayed for journey mercies for my fiancé, his family, my friends and relatives that would be traveling. I closed my eyes and tried to think of how I felt…I was excited and nervous.

At about 7am, I was tired of lying down, I got up and packed my stuff for the journey to Benin that evening. Gisted a bit with my mom, went to greet the men who were meeting and the women who were cooking.

After a while my cousins came to meet me that my parents made no arrangement for decoration of the chairs and canopies, we had to make some frantic calls that morning and make emergency arrangement for a decorator to come in.


I called the fiancé who had overslept and had to quickly jump off bed


I called my makeup artiste who was already on her way…but definitely running late

Fast-forward to 10:30am, I had my bath, the makeup person had come in from Benin (I got her from Bella naija and had no test trial but she did an AMAZING job with my makeup and the tying of the head scarf).

Outfit 1 (our native white wrapper and coral beaded blouse, necklace and head gear)

me in the outfit (before the coral beaded blouse though)


TO BE CONTINUED

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

RECAPS: Becoming Mrs

My thoughts a day before the traditional ceremony:


I always wondered who I’ll be spending the rest of my life with, well I guess the answer was upstairs all these while, who would have thought?


It’s been a drama filled preparation, a lot of fights, a lot of tears, a lot of doubts, there were days when I just felt like saying to hell with this all, but I am glad about the way I feel today. Totally at peace and ready to marry. I know I have a lot to learn, how to deal with a man’s ego, how to respect my husband, how and when to keep my mouth shut , how to cook, clean and keep a home. But I am looking forward to everything, a warm bed and body every night, a man that loves me and would hopefully put me first in everything, etc.


Lord, pls let my marriage work out, grant us the patience, tolerance and love we need to work on every curve ball that may be thrown our way. Grant us understanding of each other. Bless us with healthy, godly offspring and prosper us together spiritually and physically. May we never forget the reason why we chose to be with each other. Amen.