Sunday, June 12, 2011

Finding love in the least likely place (Part Two)

Can’t say it was love at first sight because we have been working at the same organization for over a year without saying much to each other. I remember thinking to myself once that this new guy has nice shirts and dresses well. I also remember thinking to myself this guy is arrogant and unfriendly.

At some point, we started talking especially when he moved to my hood, he tried hooking me up with his best friend as well. When a bike man ran into my car and took out my doors, I and my brother hitched with him for about 2 weeks to VI.

Anyways, I was ill and din’t come to work for about a week, he called me to say he hasn’t seen me at work, after asking about my health, he went to real reason why he noticed I wasn’t at work (although he won’t admit this!!!), his friend was celebrating his birthday in the hood and I guess they were looking to invite as many babes as possible, so he said I should drop by if I felt better that day.

On the Saturday of the party, I was feeling much better and tired of staying in bed, so I dressed up, went for the party, planning to stay one hour max!, got there he mixed a cocktail for me, and somehow we started talking, he told me about business school, about his career aspirations, his 5-year goal, a lot of serious stuff and I sat there so fascinated, I was really tripped and thinking to myself, wow! He has it all figured out, what a focused guy, what an intelligent guy. We talked for ages, sipping on cocktail, later I found out that other folks at the party thought we were dating or had a thing going but it was a very platonic, sensible conversation majorly (till today, he says, for once in his life he actually had no ulterior motive). Anyways, time to go and he held my hands , looked into my eyes and said don’t go yet babe, the party has barely started. That’s when I felt the chemistry, I scampered home fast. Before is slept, I replayed the whole day in my head, wondered if it was the alcohol that got things twisted in my head, if he acted weirdly, if I acted wierdly, if I gave wrong vibes, if he had a girlfriend, etc , I shrugged it off and slept.

By Monday, the next week, I had almost forgotten the weekend, he started giving me really weird vibes, e.g. a very cute smile when he passes my desk, buying me breakfast or lunch everyday, from there we graduated to chatting on gtalk occasionally, then to texting back and forth and stuff like that. Invited him to mid week service, when we were chatting one day and it was time for me to go to church (he started coming with me religiously), then I invited him to a musical concert at church on a Saturday and he came, the next day Sunday, he came to church without invitation, I just saw him during offering and my heart skipped a beat, that’s when I knew I was in trouble.

Anyways, after about a month or less of all that, we went on our first real date to a very nice lounge on a real date, he told me about his family and their various antics which was really fascinating because my family is relatively small, normal and boring, just us three kids and the parents, he told me about his sisters, their kids, but what distinguished the date, was the way he looked at me, I could hear the sincerity in his voice, also he asked about my education, no guy has ever asked if I wanted to do a masters or what my career aspirations are, the date was really really deep for a first date.

Within the next month, I mentioned I was stressed out, wanted a vacation, (I had used all my previous vacation for my professional exams, this was my first vacation after qualifying professionally) but dint want to take time off and just be at home to be doing house work for my parents, so he invited me to his sister’s house in Port Harcourt, had no intention of going so I said I would think about it, my plan was to just post him endlessly, but somewhere along the line, I decided to go, so off we went to shell camp, port Harcourt for a week, his sister and her family were so nice and welcoming, I got to know him a lot better within that week, I got to see that family was important to him, I saw how great he was with his nephews, we shared with each other deep secrets, I spoke with his mum on the phone that week and he told me he loved me that week, I started falling in love with him that week. When the week was over I was sad to go back to Lagos, sad to go back to work.

We got back to the office, thought it would be weird but it wasn’t. It was like we were in a world of our won really, we saw each other everyday at work, and every weekend. Anyways, the next month, his friend was getting married in Abuja, so I went with him, met his other sister and her family in Abuja. Within the next five months I met his sister who lived in Lagos but was on vacation somewhere in Europe, then met his mum when she came back from the states, then he met my mum, and life went on till the proposal on my birthday.

Dating my colleague turned out to be not hard and awkward as I thought It would be, even though everybody at the office knew, cuz you can’t really hide love especially when it is mixed with romance and passion, it had it perks, seeing him everyday, having him smile at me everyday, being able to discuss work and work related activities everyday, the random breakfast, or lunch, or chocolates, or cake or muffins he treats me to. Infact changing jobs, which we are working on would get some getting used to.

Of course, we have our misunderstandings, quarrels, and down times but I have no shadow of doubt that I am marrying the man God designed for me, specially and custom made. I am glad and grateful, I was able to redeem the pledge which I made in church barely a year ago when I sowed that covenant seed. I am at a point where i can say i am very happy, my soul is happy, my skin is glowing (LOL). I guess all is well that ends well.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Finding love in the least likely place

As most of y’all know, I dated my ex for 6 years, he was my first boyfriend and we started dating in year two. He was tall, sweet, kind, selfless and things were almost perfect up till the point he was suspended from school for a session, which meant he had to graduate a year after me, he was so depressed and discouraged, I did my best to encourage him, endlessly scoured the bible for encouraging scriptures, etc. I remember telling him to see the situation like someone that came to school to study a five year course as opposed to a four year course

Unfortunately, the one extra year, led to another extra year, and another extra year, I began to resent the whole process, it was ridiculous to me, because, by that time I had finished nysc, had a decent job, became independent of my parents and he was still battling with school issues, I resented the fact that he was having carry overs upon carry overs, like really how hard was it to read?i resented the fact that i had to lie to my family, because my mom kept asking how he was! where he served? where he was working now? and i couldn't exactly say Hey mummy, he is still in school, three years after i had graduated.

However, I kept praying and fasting for him, for the nightmare to be over, 80% of the prayer request in my prayer book from 2006 - 2009 was about him and his situation.

Of course, we started quarreling about money, my office was close to the bank where my salary account was domiciled, so I gave him my ATM card and used my cheque book when I needed to, I cleared my account to contribute to his school fees once because his folks got tired of the endless regular school and summer school programmes, still i was too proud, not humble, not sensitive enough in his onw words about his situation. I wasn’t perfect cause looking back, I should have known that he was feeling emasculated and could have been more sensitive, but the whole situation was troubling and I wondered if i should break up with him

Anyways, things were not good, but not too bad until the physical abuse started, first was a slap, which I forgave cuz, my friends said I shouldn’t have said “if you were man enough” to a man that had self-esteem issues.

Then came the beating a year after which I forgave too, after much deliberation and tabling the matter on this blog i took a break from the relationship but maybe out of fear of the unknown or the fear of forfeiting all I had invested into the relationship (time, money, emotions, etc)i forgave him and took him back and we celebrated our fifth year together .

But a year after, a third beating after, one of the worse and most traumatic event of my life a year which he locked me in the house and acted like a mad man, said all sorts, I needed no shrink or counsellor to tell me it was time to flee for my dear life.

By then my perfect on paper guy had moved on. It was really tough period, lost about 9kg, cried a lot, pondered a lot, prayed a lot, went through bouts of sadness, i felt so so disappointed, i learnt my heart could literally

However i healed, sowed a covenant seed in church and proceeded to have fun, hung out with guys, went on dinner dates, went on drink dates, mostly with ND until I met my prince charming in the most unlikely place. THE OFFICE.

I have always hated office romance and could never imagine dating my fellow colleague. Details on how my heart won my head up in the next post. This is already very long as it is.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Dress

Many girls dream about their wedding day before they are old enough to date, fortunately or unfortunately, I am not one of those girls. I have no wedding day envisioned in my mind, so people say “hope you get the wedding of your dreams”, I wonder if it is odd to reply “I actually have no dreams”. LOL.

The only thing I am sure about is that I don’t want a white wedding dress, maybe diamond white, but preferably ivory.

After copping the ring, I worked on the budget and the workplan which scheduled activities to start in August, and was prepared to just sit back and wait till august, however, my friends have been drumming continuously that I cannot plan a wedding in five months that I need to start NOW. No be money them dey use start planning?

Anyways, over the weekend, my friend that got engaged about the same time buzzed me to say she had ordered her wedding dress and I’m thinking to myself already??then she says it would take 5-6 months to be ready. Apparently that is the lifespan of ordering a decent dress, that chilled me out o! it means August would be cutting it close for “the dress”. Anyways she gave me a list of designers to check out Maggie Sottero, Oleg Cassinni, Anfred Angelo and a host of others.

I heard the UK is a very expensive place to get a dress and the US is better, however, me I no get power for US embassy stress, this means ordering online and fitting in Nigeria, which is beginning to seem like a long thing.

So another friend gave me the name and number of a Nigerian designer called Valerie Davids who schooled under Yemi Kosibah and I have an appointment to see her sometime next week, to see what she has done in the past, timelines, and pricing. I’m supposed to go with pictures so I guess its time to start checking out wedding dresses YAY!!!!

Any ideas of any good designer here or abroad or any tips/ hints/ etc to share?

I guess I also have to inform the bridesmaid officially because the two I have told unofficially are itching to pick their dress as well.

Happy new month by the way. The fiancé was promoted today, so I guess it’s going to be a great month.