Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Finding love in the least likely place

As most of y’all know, I dated my ex for 6 years, he was my first boyfriend and we started dating in year two. He was tall, sweet, kind, selfless and things were almost perfect up till the point he was suspended from school for a session, which meant he had to graduate a year after me, he was so depressed and discouraged, I did my best to encourage him, endlessly scoured the bible for encouraging scriptures, etc. I remember telling him to see the situation like someone that came to school to study a five year course as opposed to a four year course

Unfortunately, the one extra year, led to another extra year, and another extra year, I began to resent the whole process, it was ridiculous to me, because, by that time I had finished nysc, had a decent job, became independent of my parents and he was still battling with school issues, I resented the fact that he was having carry overs upon carry overs, like really how hard was it to read?i resented the fact that i had to lie to my family, because my mom kept asking how he was! where he served? where he was working now? and i couldn't exactly say Hey mummy, he is still in school, three years after i had graduated.

However, I kept praying and fasting for him, for the nightmare to be over, 80% of the prayer request in my prayer book from 2006 - 2009 was about him and his situation.

Of course, we started quarreling about money, my office was close to the bank where my salary account was domiciled, so I gave him my ATM card and used my cheque book when I needed to, I cleared my account to contribute to his school fees once because his folks got tired of the endless regular school and summer school programmes, still i was too proud, not humble, not sensitive enough in his onw words about his situation. I wasn’t perfect cause looking back, I should have known that he was feeling emasculated and could have been more sensitive, but the whole situation was troubling and I wondered if i should break up with him

Anyways, things were not good, but not too bad until the physical abuse started, first was a slap, which I forgave cuz, my friends said I shouldn’t have said “if you were man enough” to a man that had self-esteem issues.

Then came the beating a year after which I forgave too, after much deliberation and tabling the matter on this blog i took a break from the relationship but maybe out of fear of the unknown or the fear of forfeiting all I had invested into the relationship (time, money, emotions, etc)i forgave him and took him back and we celebrated our fifth year together .

But a year after, a third beating after, one of the worse and most traumatic event of my life a year which he locked me in the house and acted like a mad man, said all sorts, I needed no shrink or counsellor to tell me it was time to flee for my dear life.

By then my perfect on paper guy had moved on. It was really tough period, lost about 9kg, cried a lot, pondered a lot, prayed a lot, went through bouts of sadness, i felt so so disappointed, i learnt my heart could literally

However i healed, sowed a covenant seed in church and proceeded to have fun, hung out with guys, went on dinner dates, went on drink dates, mostly with ND until I met my prince charming in the most unlikely place. THE OFFICE.

I have always hated office romance and could never imagine dating my fellow colleague. Details on how my heart won my head up in the next post. This is already very long as it is.


Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

Reading through this just reminded me of so many things but I thank God that you're in a happy place now.

Tega said...

This was good to read....especially seeing as you moved on...Looking forward to Part II. No woman should be in an abusive relationship...especially not physical.

Love as beautiful makes us do the craziest things.

All things are beautiful in God's time

Madame Sting said...

I love love stories. I've been reading your blog from day 1. I am genuinely happy for you. Oya, hurry back and finish.

Just...Toluwa said...

waiting on the next post...glad u got out of the previous rel.

...His thoughts are higher than our, and His ways higher than ours...

Okeoghene said...

There is no hope in an abusive relationship. Thank God you were able to move on and find love again. And in the office too. I also hated office affairs but found love in the office. Waiting to read the sequel

leggy said...

ahhh...what is long? i'll read any long time as long as it's interesting. i'm happy for you oh and i love that you got out of this situation.

Jaycee said...

I thank God that you've found love again. Yay. :)

Laurenta said...

ok i cant wait for the next post
My ex and i dated through out university too.
we never had financial issues
He just cheated on me and i couldnt get past the betrayal, 6years, it hurt, i cried and i said goodbye and walked out with my broken pride, today i stand stronger.

I understand you staying with him after the first, second and third time, my ex slapped my for the first time our 2nd year, by the 3rd year we were physically fighting, by the 4th he was physically abusing me even in public, all my friends thought i was mad to forgive him, but he cried and pleaded and begged, and the last two years befor ewe broke up he never touched me, i used to be secretly scared of him though,
all that plus the fact that he cheated was enough for me to say bye
the same man cannot physically abuse me and cheat too, thats too much for me to even take.
The only reason why i took all the nonsense was cos he was faithful and treated me like a queen (when we werent fighting).
Thats what he used to tell me, "Laurenta we fought, i didnt beat you, *sigh*

sorry for the long comment
PS i didnt proof read

H said...

Thank God you're out of this. In the weirdest of ways, which maybe someday I'd be able to voice, you've blessed me by this post.

Truly God protects his own and brings the best to his own, if they wait.

Anonymous said...

Am happy for you, that you came out of such relationship after given so much help...admire your kindness, tenacity & courage....office romance?....*sitting with rapt ears, waiting* :D


Mbabazi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mbabazi said...

cant wait to hear the part where you fall in love with this new amazing guy. you gave your ex many more chances than he deserved. Be happy with your new found peace..
Yes all things are beautiful in Gods timing

goldliluck said...

Funny how God blesses us without our effort. Especially after we have seen how little our efforts can achieve.. God bless your coming marriage..

Parakeet said...

Doll...you're a strong woman. Now I can piece in the missing links in some of your past posts.

Glad you're in a better place now and I hope wherever this guy is now he finds peace and a sense of direction. I often wonder how things so good can just turn so bad but when life happens we just have to cling to God like you have done.

shorty said...

I'm so happy you found true love again :)

Patiently waiting for the next post.

fantasy queen said...

Thank God for giving you the strenght to leave and move on.

@ilola said...

Many times, due to emeotions, we try to hold on to things not worth holding on to, even when God is trying to free us. I Thank God that He was able to set you free and give you a good person

J'Adore Fashion said...

So glad to hear that you moved on from that situation. I give you props for that because it is never an easy situation. I need to hear the rest...



~Sirius~ said...


I remember those posts.

I remember being in a similar situation.

It's all hazy now.

Now I laugh at myself and my stupidity. (However I thank God for saving me)

Office romance ey? I've never been a fan of that....would love to hear your story.

LG said...

biko update already :)

congrats hon'

Gee said...

awwww! u had me smiling at the end after so much thinking of how u managed through all that rlationship drama!
Oya do quick on d next post, we dey hia dey wait!


"Think of Failure as a stone: can either be a stumbling block or a stepping stone"

Indeed, your challenges have been a stepping stone for you away from the agony into a new phase of joy and gladness. Thanks for sharing :)
Looking forward to the second part.


Mimi B said...

I'm so thrilled for you that you are in a much better place now.

Cant wait for the next instalment. Plus we need to know, how far with wedding plans? Lol

QMoney said...

Congrats darling,i owe u a mail!!!!!!!!1
am so excited for u,invite me oooh

The Corner Shop said...

Yay!!! A happy ending!! I hail you for leaving that dude, and for being honest to yourself about everything. Looking forward to the next post :)


Blessing said...

Aww beautiful story...it'll only get better

Can't wait to read the next post!

mizchif said...

This is wonderful babe.

You definitely gave the Ex more than enough chances, and though i've not dated anyone that long, i can imagine that it would be hard to make a break after being together so long.
You certainly deserve better and i'm glad you've found it.

Can't wait to read the rest.
I'm happy for you.

LohiO said...

You are an inspiration to so any people who just stay because of the fear of the unknown! Good to know there is always a light at the end of the tunnel! SO happy for you!

Phury Mackeltar said...

oh wow!!! I'm glad you left that relationship. I applaud your strength. Your blog is so refreshing.

Bombchell said...

*sigh* weird to read this with laurenta's post too.

I'm so happy your out of this

Toinlicious said...

kai, dis babe. the last blogs i read back to back were NIl & a girl's journey down the aisle o and i'm sure you're gona be my next

Shiks said...

Wow. Hugs from Kenya. I am so happy you found a man to treat you like the queen you are. Blessings in your marriage.