Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Am about to break up with my boyfriend….

I still love him and I know for sure he still loves me

I have never had to do this before cuz he is/was my first boyfriend

We have been together for 5 yrs

Thing is I earn significantly more than him…(It doesn’t matter to me tho) but to the male ego Its crazy…I have tried to manage the situation…really really tried but there are complex and insecurity issues I feel I cant deal with this new year…

Its beginning to feel like he doesn’t wish me well cuz of his state

I am worried….and sad……..but it feels like its time to move on…before luv turns to hate

36 comments:

ShonaVixen said...

Before breaking up, have the talk, tell him how you feel...however if you have already done this, then its best you part ways before 'resentment' comes into play!!

Abujamaiden said...

Goodluck and pray oh! There have been many times that my Mother earned more than my dad even though he has more degrees but they've lasted more than 20yrs.

I hope out works out for you both- whether you break up or not but talk to him first.

Sting said...

Wow, take it easy.Have u talked to him about how u feel?

aloted said...

eyah...pls have a talk with him before u do anything...let him know how u feel and get him to tell u how he feels...it might just be miscommunication.

happy new year

Afrobabe said...

awww babe, cant u just hang in there a bit more??

Talk to him and make him understand what his insecurities are doing to u...

Jarrai said...

tell him how u feel..how this situation is making u all sad and cut up inside. You love him, he loves you...the relationship still has a chance.

take it easy xx

Temite said...

I am sure you have have told him how you feel.
I am sure you have tried to boost his self esteem up.
I am sure you havent belittled him at all.
I am sure you have not compared him to your friend's boyfriend who can afford to send her to Dubai for the summer.
I am sure you have not made him feel small at all.
I am sure you tell him regularly how much you adore him.
I am sure you tell him how much his love and support has contributed to your sucess.
I am sure he knows just how much you love him.
I am sure he knows that no situation is permanent.
I am sure you did not have a smirk on your face when you regularly give him his pocket money.
I am sure!
So YOU and only YOU know what to do.
Goodluck!

mizchif said...

Hope you've thot this thru thoroughly. Love is kinda hard to find, so be very sure b4 u make up your mind. But whatever u decide, all the best dear.

LG said...

hang in der hon'
it is well

OluwaDee said...

happy new year dear.

I kinda understand where you r coming 4rm.
D decision is up to you. But pray bout things 1st & ask God 4 direction.

Just...Toluwa said...

y now? we need to seriously pray for bloggers oh. wats up with breaking up and man issues?

Doll sweets, do wat u think is right for you right now.

XOXO

StandTall-The Activist said...

Earning more than a male partner shouldn't be a big deal. It's not a big deal in my marriage and that's because I have a man that believes in Gender Equality and all

I will suggest you try discussing this with him.

You know him well I am sure, if you think he is not ready to accept the situation, it will become a huge issue later and lead you to unhappiness later, pls leave the relationship

There are things ones never need to sweep under the carpet and this is one of it.

Godo luck on... but don't hang in there because you think you have to. Do what you think is best for you and your happiness

doll said...

@ all thanks I have talked with him over and over…I feel its something he can help
@Temite LOL…but I actually don’t give him pocket money
@ Jarrai invite me to read ur blog now dolchic@gmail.com

Olufunke said...

I feel you, I had to 'run' from man I liked so much because of this issue, the relationship was getting too problematic, and I understand the i've talked to him part, the more you talk the more you dissagree.

I know God made men with this ego...he is to be the provider, the protector, the head and its not easy for a man when he knows he is not meeting up...but men should appreciate when they have a woman that is ready to 'weather' those times with them...knowing no condition is 'forever'

I only hope you had not stopped respecting him.

I would advice you pray about it, and I trust God would lead you and what ever u decide, you will feel at peace.
I feel bad....you've been together this long.......
but when a you spend all the time in a relationship defending, having to explain yourself, being sad, feeling bad...one begins to wonder what the whole essence

FFF said...

i've been here b4. i was there in 2006, but we had been together only2 years. still, it hurt. it hurt more cos i was so unhappy wit him cos of d insecurity dat was driving me insane. i had 2 make a tough decision 2 end things. i knew he loved me, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to stay n love with him as time went on.

am not saying u should do as i did oh. it's really all up 2 u

rethots said...

Aww, 'thas never been a good subject of thot but, a necessary step one oughts to for the progress of relationships.

However, it does not seem a decision (or thot) that was made on the spur of the moment. Be that as it may, follow your heart (instincts) it hardly ever deceives us.

QMoney said...

WTF,where have i been??how did i even miss your last post??
First,happy new year,i wish u all ur resolutions and everything according to God's will.
I wish u all d very best on what you decide oh.where's MSEMMOTIONS HERE OH?

poeticallytinted said...

@Temite. That was really insightful. Couldn't have said it better myself. any woman who has found herself in this position knows exactly how it feels.

Sweetie, is it really true love when a man takes out his frustrations on you or uses you as an emotional punching bag. You could make excuses for his bad behaviour and say oh, it's his ego and oh, it's his frustrations showing so it is okay for him to treat you badly. Or you could recognise that you need to take back control of your life because the emotional abuse will eat away little by little until you are damaged inside. Trust me the whole "before love turns to hate" simply means that love is already turning to hate on your side.

I'll give you an analogy:
A certain man buys a new car, perhaps a BMW X6, he waxes it inside out everymorning. He services it once a month. He changes the tires every three months, he changes parts every now and then and every morning lovingly caresses his beautiful X6. And then one day the X6 stops on third mainland for no reason. Trust me he'll be mad at his X6 and probably kick it once or twice. That's not love that's selfishness that's not recognising that this person loves you and wants to help you grow. He treats you right because you get him from point A to B (not necessarily financially but maybe emotionally)and you are like, oh he loves me... and treats you really bad whenever you step out of his controlling line because that's what his ego would like to do - to control you completely and find faults with everything you do and cut you down to size at every opportunity. You find yourself walking on eggshells around him.

If you find yourself in this situation please leave the relationship now because it is very unhealthy and will only get worse. I will do a detailed post on emotional and verbal abuse in relationships in about 3 days please visit my blog at that time. You can also read my post on what love really means. These posts may help you put things in perspective.

All the best. You are a strong woman.

QMoney said...

@poetically tinted,u are truly poetically tinted.i dey go ur side now

Therapy said...

You've been together for 5 years?!?! I would probably do the same, but have you guys talked about it first? But to be honest I wouldn't want to be with someone that can't be happy for me in whatever situation...

Goodluck in whatever you choose, though ending 5 years is really sad... But just do you and I'm sure everything will be alright...

Take Care & Goodluck!
Therapy x

Uzezi said...

wow. some guys usually get insecured by their girls who earn higher than them. but talk with him. deep talking. r u guys really serious of being together forever? dont be sentimental about the fact that he is ur first. and then, dont leave too fast either. talk and think and be sure.

poeticallytinted said...

@ QMoney: Thank you oh, abeg show

Tisha said...

tell him how you feel and then ask him if he thinks ur r/ship is worth fighting for. or if the work issue is bigger than 5 years of being together

Writefreak said...

Awww...have you tried talking to him? Does he know how you feel? If u have without a diff then you're making the right decision and God will bring the right man your way.
But pls talk to him first...

Riri said...

aww.. dont worryy!!
hope evrything works out fine!!xx

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

I agree with Sho, try one last ditch attempt to save the relationship tell him exactly how you feel and what needs to change if you guys will stay together
and then give it time
if nothing changes then walk

Mekistein said...

God has nothing to do with this....if u have held on this long, believed in him and no change.Walk!
Would be hard but you would get over it.
Sry if my opinion is a bit harsh.
We all need better.

sleek n' catty said...

Wow.. all I can say. I am really sorry about what you are going through. I cant say I understand perfectly but I must applaud you on your courage for getting out from a potentially abusive relationship.
My two cents is that you should be open minded. Let him know the reason why you are leaving (which is that the relationship is getting unhealthy) and that even though you still love him, you can't continue.
If you guys are meant to be, you'll come back together at some point.
Best of Luck!!

~Sirius~ said...

From the sound of things, your subconscious has made up it's mind to leave. If you do that, make sure it's what you really want to do and don't let emotions run you down to a point where he'd ask you to try 1 more time, and you'd consider it.

Your heart is heavy, don't let the love you have left turn to hate......

bumight said...

i really dont care for how much my husband earns, and i hope he doesnt care as well.

what's ur email address?

doll said...

thanx 4 all ur comments

princesa said...

I think its up to you & your BF to make things work.

My bros's wifey earns more than he does but they have found a way to work through things.

You need to make him understand that you still respect and regard him even if he is jobless.

maybe all he needs is a lil'reassurance.

Buttercup said...

oh no...

let me quickly read the update

Jay Girl said...

haba, is that your only reason? is his salary that small?

Jones Nicole said...
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Miss Joyce said...
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