Thursday, October 6, 2011

Absu Rape walk + Bridemaid palaver + more testimonies

I participated in the ABSU rape walk yesterday in Lagos. The turnout was impressive, a good number of guys turned up too. Reporters from the BBC and other media were on ground and the Police and Lastma were behind us as well. We walked from NTA on Ahmadu Bello to Abia State Liaison office on Ahmadu Bello as well, but we walked through the streets In between. All in all, the walk took an hour and half. We carried placards, sang, distributed tracts, etc.

The shocker however, was that most of the men we gave the tracts to, said and I quote “tell women not to dress enticingly so as not to attract rape to themselves”. This was the consensus from mallam hawking on the streets / gatemen to educated, enlightened people in cars. Na wa! We have a lot to do in educating ourselves and our children especially our sons. Even if a woman is naked, look the other way, how does that mean she is asking to be raped? SMH. NO means NO.

See me see bridesmaid palaver! I have three best-friends from three phases of my life; childhood, church and university. I asked the three of them to be on my bridal train plus two others friends. I wanted the University bestie to be the Maid of Honor (MOH), apart from the fact that she is my most recent bestie, she is also in the UK and she can buy her dress there and it would be ok for her to have a different dress since she is the MOH.

My childhood bestie lives in Zaria, our communication is majorly telephone and email based as we probably see once in two years and she is getting married a month before me so no issues on why she isn’t MOH and stuff.

My bestie from church however lives here in Lagos and she is the one that has been helping me with some running around and stuff here. However, she automatically assumed she would be MOH and I couldn’t say she wasn’t, so I became stuck with two MOH.

I am fine with having two MOH, however, University bestie found out that I had two MOHs and is mad and doesn’t want to be on the train anymore. Things have been strained between us ever since.

October has started on a good note for me. I was promoted two steps at the office. Praise the Lord!!!!!
P.S I am still looking to change jobs though.
P.P.S i tried uploading pictures from the walk, but i cant, either the pictures are large or my connection is slow.


HoneyDame said...

LMAO..what will you do bayi? Se you wont have to just ex them both and use say a younger sister or younger cousin?!


Nawa for ladies o.. But let me confess o, I will probably have the same issue when the times to choose my bestman... I have three close friends who are already talking about it. haha

Can I borrow your wisdom? Two bestmen? haha


jhazmyn said...

awww, I sure wish she'd come round in d end, it'll be different though. Hope hubby has 2 bestmen too, to balance it if she accepts at the end of the day


ha,iyen le oh! i think i would do the 2 bridesmaid oh! or if theres still wahala i'm going to go with a cousin i guess. Congrats on ur promo

@LDP i see you

aloted said...

wow..well done for going on the walk.

some men are lost and it is just sad. However, let us teach our children, nephews and boys under our influence that there is no excuse for rape.

ah this na serious wahala o...i hope you manage the MOH situation. pelee

btw pls your insight is needed on a new post i have up on the soul sista blog. thanks!

aloted said...

oh and congrats on ur promotion..nice one!

downtheaisle said...

how many times did I call u...I dont know why my comments don't appear on your blog...anywayz, e ku ipalemo!

QMoney said...

Waoh,she couldn't even pretend to be aite with it?
I have actually never heard of 2 MOH's before come to think of it ....
I don't even know what to advise,maybe you should just allow things be.she obviously might not come 4d wedding'll sort it out after d wedding:-)

Prism of an immigrant said...

Everything na double double. Congrats on your promotion.

Na wa for your friends. Why is being MOH such a big deal?

SMH at those who think the way a woman dresses determines whether she should be raped.

Nutty J. said...

Congratulations on your promotion!! Thats great news

As for the maid of honours, thats easy... let one be MOH during church service and the other during the reception... Is what I plan to do when I have my wedding.

fantasy queen said...

and we are killed daily by the ignorance in our society... this just describes the term 'uneducated graduates' Well done for the walk against rape.

as for your MOH, goodluck with that. My sister had to take someone off her train because her childhood friend showed up and insisted on being on her train. The joys of planning a wedding :)

and Oh, congrats on your promotion.

Sugabelly said...

Good for you for going on the walk. The attitude of those men is disgusting. =(

Unveilinggold said...

Good thing you went for the walk to stand up for what is right..

Second, eyah to some people's mindset. However no smoke without fire..As a lady when I use to have 4 male roomate, I knew when to go shower and what to wear around the house..So I see where are coming from but they should have been more sensitive..

Okay for your MOH, I suggest, if your other friend dont come around then use a sister or cousin..That way things are settled..

May God crown your effort as you locate a good job..

Toinlicious said...

hey, congrats on d promotion and gud luck with job hunt (seems each time i come here, it's gud news yay!)

SMH for those guys during the rape walk..awon animals. i mean, NOTHING at all shuld justify rape. Pple outa d country wear bikinis during summer & pple dnt go raping them.

anyways, mayb u shuld call Uk bestie and explain again cos it wuld crush d church 1 if u bounce her, since she's been running arund with u. All d best with everything

P.E.T. Projects said...

Dealing with ur original MOH shouldnt be a problem, just ask her if she doesnt feel blessed that u're her choice.

On the otherr hand, u should be careful with the other lady. Just tell her nicely about how dear she's to you, but that u want her to be available to help her with other things during the ceremony, you trust her managerial abilities etc etc. DO NOT MENTION THAT U FEEL CLOSER TO THE OTHER LADY OR THAT THE CLOTHES ARE COMING IN FROM THE UK, that'll make her feel bad.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Talk about near bridal disasters. i feel it's YOUR wedding...only happens once (well, to most people) You get to pick who you want. If either of them are really your friends they'll stand by you. And if you decide to pick someone else i'm sure they'll come around. Ija o le to yen

Okeoghene said...

It is such a pity that people in our society still think the way they do. Most rape cases are not even on those who dress indecently, rather it is to those the men think they can overpower.
Congrats on your preparations and promotion.

mizchif said...

I think it's unfair that your friend is going funny over being a co-bridesmaid. I mean its enough of a compromise for you too choose 2 MOH so she should be alright.
It's your wedding, you have bigger issues don't let these ones stress you. The wedding can go on without a MOH.

~Sirius~ said...

Hey! Good for you- as per the walk. Silly ignorant men........hiss

Girls! Urgh! I had just my sister as bridesmaids. Couldnt shout.

Yaaaay! For promotion.

Ginger said...

God bless you for walking the talk! With more talks and wareness minds..well some will change.

Congrats on your promotion. Singing..your marriage shall be your blessing...

This sort of situation arose with childhood bff...but I only sulked for 24hrs. Hope your friend gets over it fast..

ibiluv said...

congrats on the promotion

as for our ignorant men-with walks like this-them eye/ear go dey open

kudos on participating

your bestie?

heya she's just hurt

una go settle am i'm sure

e ku ipalemo-Oluwa a mu ojo ro

Rebirth said...

Congrats on ur promotion and great job on taking the walk

Girl, it's your wedding, sorry but your friend is being unfair... you don't need such to her and tell her MOH is not really that much of a big deal and that she is still important to you

Good luck dear

LucidLilith said...

Don't have a MOH. Tell them they are all equally special to you and that you are finding it hard to choose. Or let them draw straws!

SHE said...

I get so upset when I hear men say such rubbish. What are they - uncontrollable animals?

Never heard of two MOH's. But I guess it'll work, if only your friends agree.
Maybe you should explain to the church bestie that you need her to do some running around on that day, which may not be very easy if she's tied to you as an MOH...
Maybe you'll be able to avoid offending anyone that way.

Nonye said...

Kudos for making it for the didnt let me. hmmmmm your MOHs :) God help u! I shall be prayin for u. lol lol! I guess thats why my sister picked married me as her strength for drama!

Tisha said...

i thot i commented on this...
rape is never right
I haven't ever done the walk
but i am available to talk
for anyone who has been raped before
It's different when it's a #rapesurvivor speaking
we may not understand it all
but it's better than folks who think
giving pity is okay

What i am saying is i'd like to do my part to make things easy for someone, anyone out there!

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Aseni said...

Congrats on your promotion.

As per your MOH palava, hope everything works out fine. I can imagine having to decide who is your MOH! Hopefully your UK Bestie will come around.

cosmopolitandiva said...

oh wow. i hope u can get this resolved with both parties still happy! keep us updated!

Muse Origins said...

There was a walk? I didn't know. That's really great. It's annoying how some guys can rape a woman and say it's her fault...there's no excuse, even if she's walking around stark naked there's still no excuse.

Ahem, you're in trouble with your bridesmaids oh X_x

Muse Origins

Blessing said...

Girls and their wahala...oga o...don't stress it jare

CONGRATS on ur promotion!!!

Jayjazzy said...

i m so hapy, that preps are in top gear!!even though i undastand how ur 1st bridesmaid feels but its a wedding irrespective of what duties given or not or shared, she shd be happy for u. wish u the best and congrats too on ur promotion. drop by

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