Monday, August 10, 2009

where to draw the line

Growing up, my father made was very influential in a lot of decisions I made…like I wanted to go to arts class..he thought I was too bright to waste away like that so he instructed me to go to science class…now am working andfirm…writing my final diet of ICAN this year…
I was gonna move to a rented apartment cuz the commute from the mainland (ikeja) to the Island (VI) were I work was hellish my father raised the roof…no daughter of his was gonna live alone…what decent girl lives alone when he parents are alive and bla bla…so I decided to move in with my mum’s younger sis in Lekki phase one…my papa no gree…anyways I busted o!lived with the traffic and life moved on
After school, when job offers came to, my father steered me to making a decision on which to accept

And a lot of other decisions I can’t write about for lack of zeal and energy

Anyways this year I decided to buy a brand new car and my dad gave me HELL..literally…he was of the opinion that a 22 (was 22 then) years old, single girl had no business driving a brand new car, what will people say an so on…but I put my foot down…it was my own hard earned money no be say aristo wan buy am for me…so I went ahead and bought the car…the day the car landed my dad did not come down to see it…he just pretended like it did not exist…the succeeding month was hell so much
So that I was considering clearing my account to rent a flat…for I couldn’t do anything right in the sight of my father…and I knew everything was anger cuz of the car

Fast-forward six months to the present

My dad drives this car like its his own…sometimes without even telling me, he doesn’t hesitate to brag to his friends..“this is my daughter and this is her car”
And I wonder what If I dint go ahead..

This year also I changed my church from my parents Baptist church cuz I felt I wasn’t growing spiritually…hell was raised..but I put my foot down and I think am spiritually better for it today


So I attended a wedding last weekend…the bride and groom were my friend in school. They have been together for 6 over six years now…since year one in school..

They wanted to get married last year but the girl’s parents have always been opposed to the whole relationship and marriage cuz the bobo is muslim& from a polygamous home while she is Christian…she tried to persuade them and stuff..as they no gree..she ran away from home to the guys house…anyways she got pregnant that is when they finally agreed to let her marry him…;last weekend @the wedding ceremony she looked so heavy like she’s gonna give birth soon.
And I know when we were in school she was saving herself for marriage (as in no sex policy) an now she had to be wadlng up and down on her own wedding day..

That said they say what a child sees standing up, the elders see sitting down (literally meaning elders..parents…are wiser), the bible also said “obey your mother and father that your days may be long on earth….”
I know they had a valid point..marriage is hard enough you might as well go in with as much leveled ground as possible..but are some mistakes not the individual’s own to make..the most painful mistake is the mistake somebody else coerced you into making…your own mistake you can still live with.

38 comments:

Naija bad boi.... said...

umm,....first time on ur blog...noice....
so....ur a gbogbo bigz girls ehn? u bought a brand new car.... na u oooo..lol

~Sirius~ said...

So i can look out for a sexy chic in a Land ROver ey? Nice

Glad you got the car.
it must be SATISFYING driving a car you bought with your hard end sweat, and WTH men, A good enough substitute for the Range Sport!!!!!


Your Dad sounds exactly like mine, and he'd do the same thing too.........lemme guess you're ibo like me.

~Sirius~ said...

*make that earned..........Posting comments and working, ain't a good combination.

Writefreak said...

Hmmm...i's glad you're making your own decisions. Good for you girl..

the bible says to obey your parents in the Lord...so you should know when they're leading you right or not..a time comes when a child is an adult and can make her own decisions!

pink-satin said...

Parents need to let go sometimes!they really cant make any decision for you!When my parents visit they drive me crazy...its like thank God i am no longer under their roof....

Temite said...

ha...Parents...they are a neccessary evil. lol. not taht thery are evil....anyways. I am sure that 22-25 is the time where you slowly wean yourself away rom your parents influence. When you atart making your decisions. This my trip to Naija....CHEI.. My MOm almost had an heart attack. She called all the usual suspects. THey YELLED and they SCREAMED, but I know and will always know my mind better than them. Anywyas...this is a process and by the time you are 25, they will realize that you are an adult and hopefully leave you alone.

Unbiased said...

Your dad sounds exactly like mine. I just pick my battles. Some are not worth fighting. I just think things like, ' I will soon go to bed, or work, or marry, or out to visit.....'.

Bottom line is his season will pass so let him do and undo when you can but dont let him relive through you. It's your life and he has to understand that his advise is valuable but at the end of the day, the mistakes are yours to make.

How else can you grow?

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

first time here!!!

Your father surely reminds me of my mother.

Those folks just don't like it when you go against their wishes, but if it works out fine, they are always the first to claim you

Fabulo-la said...

Parents.
He disapproved at first, but now he is beaming with pride.
Ironic isnt it?

We can never please them.

leggy said...

im just waiting to find a man that i want to marry nd hear my parents say that they dont want me to marry him.....

LG said...

@“this is my daughter and this is her car” Now where have i heard dat line b4?????? *scratches head* :-)

Rose said...

CONGRATULATIONS!! On your Car..

rethots said...

...you have a great dad.

BSNC said...

hahaha so he is the one crusing the car now. Parents are wise yes, but sometimes you have put your foot down and be firm.....

Miss Fizzy said...

Doll are you sure we don't have the same dad? lol. The only difference is that I tend to go ahead and do what I want behind their backs anyway. I had to study what they wanted me to do though. :(

Sad thing is it will never end until the day you leave your dad's house to go to your huebands place, whether you are 25 or 50.

Nice Anon said...

"the most painful mistake is the mistake somebody else coerced you into making"

food for thought!

ibiluv said...

i really like your dad

he bugs you cos he cares............

cherish it

Repressed One said...

Ahhh parents!! gotta love them. He will calm down eventually. Like someone said you just have to know which battles to fight...they mean well.

It's good you're starting to put your foot down tho' therein comes respect..even if just a little [and they may never admit it]

Arewa said...

congrats on the new car! i feel ur pain on ur parents not letting u move out. they kinda have a point sha (i finally realized that in this country its a big and bad thing for a single girl to live alone). so bikko, do what we all have been doing, try and manage the traffic and keep ur head up!

StandTall-The Activist said...

Didnt d same bible warn parents not to provoke their children? And will the bible not treat you as an adult at 22 rather than a child? Just asking.

Really, we all have to draw lines as some point in our lives? Hmmm, there are wonderful single ladies that live alone and have a good life, you know.

Since you are making your dad seeing your point, keep doing it, he will respect you for who you are at last.

All the best doll.

blogoratti said...

Some folks ehn...
We all need to make decisions for ourselves,but occasionaly it wouldn't hurt if someone else did.

Afronuts said...

LOL..

sometimes its hard for parents to accept the fact that their children have grown up to become responsible for themselves.

You took brave steps and thank God you did - most especially the spiritual one.

I have similar experinces - My parents never wanted me to marry my wife. But we stood our ground because i KNEW i had made the right choice - several months and beefs later, my wife is the queen everyone is doting for...and we had a baby again which amplifies the love like there was never an initial clash

Kate said...

Parents sha...regardless of whether you are in the us or in naija..naija parents will forever be the same. Yes they are "wiser" but it would be nice for them to express themselves better than "no daughter of mine" or "what would ppl think"..and it would be nice for them to actually listen.I guess pick your battles too..

Naughty Eyes said...

First time here and I'm loving the blog already. Thanks for visiting mine.

I'm still regretting a lot of personal decisions I made under parental influences. Whatever you do, don't let the same happen to you.

And congats on the car. Regardless of what your father says or does, trust me, he's very, very proud of you. Not so many 22 year olds have a car...

UnderCover07 said...

I can totally relate to this post.
My older Sis was about 27 and went to Cotonou to buy her car, my Dad was pissed that how cld she travel and bla bla...jst like u there was a rift in their relationship in which he brought up other issues from when she was a teenager. One day he called a meeting which turned into a whole family melt down; my sister returned, to NYSC camp and months later came back pregnant.

Long story short, she ddn't marry the guy becos he wasn't the one she wanted to spend her life with. But Thanks to God she is happily married today with 2boys.

Sometimes people push us into making mistakes that cld literally pull us down, but remember a man is measured by how well he gets up and forges on.

Nice blog!

aloted said...

hmm think it is all about balance...parents should be willing and ready to let their children make their own mistakes. In as much as they want to protect them from all the evils in this world, it can't happen.

Also we children should ALWAYS honour our parents..obedience is conditional i.e. only unto the lord. So that means we can honour even when disobeying.e.g like you putting down your foot on some occassions. I hope i make sense?

Not sure I can comment on the example of your friend. Actually I can but that will be a post on its own..lol

Aphrodite said...

Parents are ever so so protective.
The bad thing is they never always accept that one is grown and should make their own decisions.

I am in the process of moving out of the house(looking for an apartment that wont tear my pocket), my folks don't like it but I have made up my mind.

I know they will come to accept it.
:)

lol@ur dad drivin ur car as if its his now. My own dad wont even touch it with a ten foot pole as long as he didn't sanction it from day one so i guess ur pops isn't that bad.

Uzezi said...

parents will always be that way. most times they just need to sit and see through the eyes of their children

Buttercup said...

As much as we ought to honour our parents, theres nothing wrong in making our own decisions and standing for what we believe im. Congrats on your new car and good luck with the ACCA!

miss.fab said...

Hmmm.. Thought I commented here earlier. Guess not.

Anyway that last paragraph was the truth. It's bad enough realizing you've made a mistake about something, but when you realize someone else made you do it??? Oh my gosh that's the worst!

Oh, and congrats on your new car! Lol at your dad. Parents sha, hehe

Thanks for stopping by...

What Nigerian Women deal with. said...

first time here too, love this post so much. it really is true, we like feeling sharp with ourselves at times, but we should also realize that the old hair on an elders hair is not for fashion, its there cos they hve been here longer and they know wats up.

QMoney said...

hi dear,thanks for all your messages.i appreciate it.

Well,the truth is my dad practically chose my course for me and am okay with it cos i didn't really have a direction anyway,he had a say in my job too.
even car.....guess its just the protective nature in parents make them "over-do it atimes.
i guess one should just be prayerful cos every case is individual,we might not draw our lines giving the same circumstances.
Even after marriage...parents still wanna "dictate" atimes...its just the way of the world,we just need to balance it properly between what they say and what we really want.
May God help us all

Sweetnothin' said...

good for you...land roverrrrrrrrrrr!11

nice blog. thanks for stopping by!

Tisha said...

your friend ought not to have married that muslim guy.

thank God you bought the nice ride

i am glad you are also spiritually better for moving churches

also learnt that you are to honor your father and mother...

where have you been? glad you are back.

Omo calabar. said...

Am glad u are making ur decisions. Just gotta make ur own choices in life.

Shubby Doo said...

word! i moved out at 22. it's easier in england sha

Buttercup said...

Update ooo

Phury Mackeltar said...

yay!!! you wrote a post on my birthday... hehehe. August10 is almost here again.