Tuesday, September 15, 2009

You vs Him

With you I am happy but incomplete…

You spoil me with Tender Loving Care, you understand me, you know what I am capable of, You I can tell my every thought, express my every desire.

With you i am not self conscious, with you I can be myself, with you I discovered the joys of loving someone when the person loves you back

You are so romantic, so selfless, so giving, you know the right words to say, the right way to say it and how to make a girl feel special

But,

You have raised your hand to hit me twice, you are over possessive, you are insecure, you have family issues, you have no job, you have no income, your upbringing is the opposite of mine, you have a lackadaisical approach to important things, you never took your studies seriously, you don’t understand my job and my career aspirations….

when I look at You, all I see is a man I luv, a man with no potentials




With Him I am happy but incomplete

He is a good Christian, he has a job, he is intelligent, he is focused and driven, his upbringing is at par with mine, he is sweet, he is decent, he is a gentleman.

He draws me close to God, he makes me laugh, he is caring and loving, he is kind and selfless

Him, I can look up to for spiritual, financial and on the job guidance since we are in the same industry

With him, I am not who I am but who I want to be

But

He is not as tall as you are, he is not as romantic as you are; he is not spontaneous like you, he doesn’t make me cry like you, he doesn’t know me like you do, he has no idea what I am capable of doing


When I look at him, I see a man I can fall in luv with, a man with potentials but a man that is not YOU

56 comments:

StandTall-The Activist said...

Hmmm they both seem to be lacking something vital. But then the "Him" can get to know you better with time, he can be more romantic at the end of the day...

rethots said...

Beautiful....
hmmm, when 'we' finally decide to make the decision, isn't this "...I can fall in luv with,..." what matters most?

Lyrics99 said...

Gosh,this is a real dilemna. I get it, there is this perfect person,and we just always love this imperfect person,which often makes us wonder. Is love enough? A question i dont consider myself experienced enough to answer. Although i would always wish that love be enough 4us

Mekistein said...

Hmnn..Doll sweety..always down to earth.
Ur not confused and you not in a dilema...U simply have to make that choice to be in that relationship or not.
Worse u have streamlined ur kind of love to romance.My dear love isn't always romeo and juliet..it comes in various tiny forms like care and sensitivity-if u still look out for the ambigous romance, its sad u might not leave the spot ur in.

Fabulo-la said...

I have ben told several times that I will soon figure out that what I need is more important than what I want in a man.
Maybe you should think about it.


Im doing ok o dollchic.
How are you?

leggy said...

long time.
in my opinion love is never enough.if the one who you can fall in love with is a much better person,then fall in love with him.

Nice Anon said...

I will go with the second guy any day. What's a man with no ambition and drive? E be like sey you wan make hunger wire you.

sunnyside said...

Is this a true story? If it is... then its quite a simple yet complicated one. . Anyway d thing is d answer lies in you. Which one matters to u most, which one will make u happy'- est" Thats d most important thing at least for me

Mz. Eniola said...

OMG! this is d deepest ish ive seen in a long time! we may all hold on to the past for long but no matter wat..any one that loves you so much wud neva raise hez hand to hit u...hed walk away and stay away frm u for a yl! thats just d way it works..with a few exceptions but do we all have to wait to knw if hell be an exception...d truth my guy frendz have told me guys neva change...wat you see is wat u get..so if you can deal wit all he is den stay..but if you knw no matte rhw much u love him ...u knw der r better things for you..den walk away while you can hunnie!x

Mz. Eniola said...

@fabulo-la babe u r sooo right!

Mz. Eniola said...

btwn doll on ur last post u listed everything you wanted in a future partner and the second guy has the highest amount :D just thought id help out babe! :D

ociajan said...

i love ur bloG---prollY cos i may jus be 18 buh i feel lyk u are in a relationship dts very similar 2 mine 4yrs ltr.practically my 1st bf...been on 4 a lil more than a year....hmmm...i ll stalk u frm now!

pink-satin said...

real dilemma

SHE said...

"you have raised your hand to hit me twice..."

Who says he wont do it again, and even harder?

That would most likely destroy any love that may be present in the relationship...

Fluffycutething said...

Dear any man that raises his hand to hit you (especially at this stage) really isn't worth your while oh!!!!

I'd go for the other guy with all his imperfections any day!!!

~Sirius~ said...

"You have raised your hand to hit me twice"

Once a *hitter always a *hitter
I've been there.

DROP HIM LIKE HE'S HOT!

"With Him I am happy but incomplete"

Find the right communication channel. It might take time, but its the end that matters.

HYAW said...

Most times in life,we alwz have to choose bw what we want and want we need. In less serious issues we choose what we want but in serious relationships...

Lyrics said...

A man that hits... Or even attempted to hit and missed???????
Anyway,just hang on honey and believe that you can take a good decision

akaBagucci said...

perhaps you know what you should do already?

histreasure said...

quite simple..to me o..
no hitter in my life or like lyrics said, even attempted to hit and missed is out..

and pls ambition and drive is high up there cos i need someone who'll push me to constantly stive, the drama in a relationaship where you are the one earning the bucks will eventually tire you out.(guy wil end up spending the bucks n stil making u feel guilty)

and the spirituality thing is a priority..
take a deep breath girl and re-assess.. goodluck!!

Sweetnothin' said...

the ups and downs of love....if only we could all have it all. Let your heart and mind and prayers guild you!

Tisha said...

i think you should WAIT
you have not found him
both of them are lacking
you can't take the best of the lot
you have to take the best for you

Have you prayed?

and asked for God's guidance?

Tisha said...

i forgot the hitting
the romantic guy is a no-no
dating him was even a mistake...
my opinion sha

marilyn said...

look at the content not the container.
no guy comes complete am sooo sick of that fact

Red Sapphire said...

serious.b bk

yankeenaijababe said...

What a nice post, I love this second guy so much despite the fact he is not tall but he sounds like the right one to fall in love with.

mizchif said...

Hmmm, thought provoking.

Lack of ambition is definitely a huge minus and will create problems down the line.

All the best dear, whatever you decide.

Myne Whitman said...

AS far as you can fall in love with the second man, isn't that what matters? I prefer him sha cos I can't tolerate violence.

Repressed One said...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!

I'll go with #2. No ambition and raising fists doesn't sound like a future i would want. The things that #2 currently 'lack' can be worked out...compromised on.

All in all, think am well.

Parakeet said...

Hmm...this is deep. But you know what time will take all those feelings away. Trust me, I've been there. You're better with a person that betters you than with a person that just makes your heart flutter. If you have both then you have everything but how many people do?

misspumping said...

Very tough decision to make NOT

you better choose bobo no2 .10 yeras down the line (should it last that long )you will say i told you so

juiceegal said...

I think you need time by yourself..take a break 4rm both of them...But i would strongly advice you to leave the first guy..Doll dear sometimes just love is not enough to keep a relationship going.

SEPTEMBER said...

I like the second guy. The first one that hit you, is a no no for me.

Uzezi said...

my girl, take it to the Lord in prayer.

Lil Miss Thang said...

Hmmm, i think u already know the answer to this. Search it withing yourself and take your time. Goodluck xxx or rather, be blessed!

Dazzle! said...

oh..wow...i love this post..a lot.
Love is never enough...so, i have been told

aloted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aloted said...

hmmmm me i will rather go for "HIM" than "YOU". YOU seems more like love that can fade..pls read the latest post on soul sistas.

May the lord direct u accordingly

Omotee! said...

beautifully written.

think at the end of the day, when u weigh the pros and cons, HIM seems to be a better choice than YOU. sometimes we need much more than "excitement". HIM can be taught.

PS
thanx for stopping by mine. i like it here.

Olufunke said...

You seem to know what to do.
The "HIM" sounds like the husband material and what more you said he is someone you could fall in love with,and with time he would get to know you better so what else are we talking about?
Romance is very important in a relationship though, but like everyone has said,feelings wane. So the 'you' is all just feelings...time changes all of that.

Plus you know you really need to pray about this and God's peace will bear a witness to the decision you should make.
All the best

Naija Chickito said...

Hmmm, deep stuff. For real, or are you just being lyrical? Either way, it is food for thought.

...And yes, I'm back. Thanks for stopping by my blog every now and again. I truly appreciate it.

QMoney said...

like frank will say....WALK AWAY...May God make it esay for u!!!

FFF said...

second dude all d way, mehn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dated someone who fits d profile of dude 1, except the raising of hands to hit me (i for end dat relationship there & then!!!!!! i no dey joke wit dat kain thing), but his insecurities were just exasperating me. dude was pulling me down, so he wouldn't feel so useless. WTF!!!!!!!! Am aspiring 2 raise, 2 reach my peak,i don't need no stumbling block jare. In d end, i called off d relationship - he says i left him cos he didn't have money. Damn right, i did. I aint marrying a man so i can be his provider. i don't need such resentment creeping in on my marriage every so often. Love go die fast!!!!

misspumping said...

eeeya been there done that

sometimes what we want is not what is right for us the prayer is Please Lord Bring that which is right for me cos even if it slapped me in the face i may not recognise it let Your will be done in my life

thanks for stopping by

MilesPerHour said...

I just came along your site and have been reading your posts. Neither one of these men is for you imo. Mr. Right isn't always Mr. Right For you.

I am adding myself as a follower as I have found your blog very interesting.

ibiluv said...

the decision is urs to make...........

Afrobabe said...

It really has been a long time babes, how have you been??

Afrobabe said...

Huh?? Who is him and him??? I really have been away for too long…which one of them is the him I used to know??

Babe, word of advice from an older sister, no man has it all…go with the more stable one, the one with a job…teach him how to love you like you want!

Healthynaija said...

Biko choose Him..him has hit you before, that is a BIG no-no. Excitement, spontaneity and all that jazz is important but you need to live to enjoy that shey. Tis not an easy decision but if you are trying to choose between both, Him is the obvious choice, if not hold out for what God really has for you...I bet you it does not include a black eye.

Sunensi Designs said...

love your blog. leaving my footprint :)

Sunensi Designs said...

love your blog. leaving my footprint :)

Sunensi Designs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Girl with the Red Hair said...

A man without an ambition or direction is worthless to me!!!

I stick with the Him!!!

Thanks for stopping by

ifeoma odogwu said...

ist time here. love ur blog already. as regards d post. i think u already know who 2 choose.2nd guy will do just fine.

1 + The One said...

Beautifully written. I think if many girls are honest with themselves, this dilemma is not a foreign concept. The only sad thing is that whilst its so easy to "know" that no 2 is probably the healthy deal for you, he doesn't quite do it for you like no 1 does/did. Sometimes only the grace of God is sufficient to help make such a decision...
But I love the way you have expressed it, it "spoke" to me..

doll said...

thanks everyone for your comment o! i'l keep you posted on this in 2010