Its almost midnight. I'm lying on my bed. Listening to music from the 90s. Its making me nostalgic.
Some of the music reminds me of my ex.. Our love for rap music and jay z was one thing we had in common. Funny how I spent six years with him and I can't really remember our relationship per say. Its like that part of me never existed. I wonder at the fickleness of love. How can someone be your world today and Tomorrow irrelevant in the grand scheme if things.
In less than 4 weeks I'll be married. I remember being that little girl that stayed up the entire night digesting romance novels, wondering about prince charming and how it felt to be swept off my feet and find true love and live happily ever after. When did I grow up and how did it happen so fast? I'm tempted to go and wear my wedding dress. Its hanging in my wardrobe waiting for my big day.
I'm crying....I don't know why. I'm so emotional these days. The slightest thing makes me cry.
Earlier this evening I looked at my dad and I felt so bad for all the fights we have had over this wedding planning. Some people wish their dad was alive to see their big day and here I am stressing about him hijacking my wedding. I love my dad so much and I'm thankful to God for keeping him and my mom alive to be a part of this.
My mom.....my respect for her has tripled since I became engaged. Its so hard to be a woman in this male dominated world. Harder self to he Married to a man like my dad I guess...its hard being his daughter....wonder how it is to be his wife. Childbirth...nurturing...all the sacrifices....its not easy at all. I pray God blesses her with long life to enjoy the fruit of her labor.
My friends have been amazing throughout this process. I have few friends and they have all come through for me.
This whole planning process has been a roller coaster of emotions. I guess its almost here.
I just need to survive the remaining three weeks.
I wonder how marriage would be....I pray its nowhere close to what this planning has been though.
I guess I'm about to find out
The tears are all gone....I'm actually smiling now....wierd indeed.