Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Does Family Background matter?

People say if you want to see what a girl will look like after child bearing, go look at her mother. If people want to get married, they usually go to investigate the family, if the person is from a divorced family likelihood that the marriage wont last is there. If the father beats the mother, it is more likely than not that the guy is gonna beat you when he gets married to you.

I used to think all these were just shitload of crap. Afterall you are marrying a person and not his family but mehn I’ve changed my mind. To a certain degree family background does matter, upbringing does distill some values in you that school, church, and mosque, whatever cannot.

Down to the issue of culture/ tribe / religion. I always knew I’ll never compromise religion cuz when the chips are down, we may as well be calling on the same God.

I am not tribalistic, my Boo is Yoruba while am not but this different tribe thingy does have its effect, diverse cultural expectations, kneel down, stand up, whatever! and I imagine it will be hard especially if one does not understand the language.

I guess everything can be managed sha but it is always good to think about them so that one knows what he/she is getting into.

32 comments:

Afrobabe said...

Family background matters to a certain extent...

The guy I dated who beat me up ad a background of his dad beating his mum so he grew up to see it as a way of keeping law and order in the house...

But as I said, its only to an extent cos others in that situation grew up seeing how much it hurt his childhood and wold never do it...

Afrobabe said...

Fursssssssssssssssssssssst...

ibiluv said...

second?????

grooooovvy!!!!!!!!

what we love we grow to become
........90% of the time

so its okay to find out what kinda home he/she from-cos he/she either becomes better for it or becomes *it*.........a vicious cycle

but if its a lovey dovey home-chances are -you are in for a good thing!!!!!!!

wish u the best babes!!!!

Mekistein said...

hmnnn.......

Rita said...

Family background matters...because this is what someone is "used to". It becomes embedded unconsciously in the person or the person sees certain things as normal.

However, I would not be quick to judge a person by his/her background. I know people can choose to be different. Some can hate what is not right and decide never to do it.

And I know that once a person accepts that he is a child of God, he is adopted into this new family. Then this family background would really matter.

Jayla said...

family background matters to a certain extent. My siblings and i grew up with different outlook to life tho we were raised under the same roof.

As per differences in tribe, it is very workable and the plus side is your kids learn the languages and cultures.


all the best babes!

NoLimit said...

Family background matters...but the individual matters most!...I reckon it is what you make of your background and what you grew up with...family background helps you understand an individual better...i.e you know where he's coming from and you're able to decipher if you can handle it...or not!

OluwaDee said...

Family background really matters.

I see myself doing things my mama did 4 my papa, and expecting my hubby to do things my papa did for my mama.

You can imagine if any of these involves, sleeping around, abuse...

on tribal issues, you'll not have to do much kneeling after a while. its usually when you are still a girlfriend. When you become wifey, you are a madame.

QMoney said...

yes oh,background matters a lot.
infact i have an uncle dat disqualified my beau cos his parents are separated.i had to argue it out that his father remarried and has been married for over 30years now.maybe his mum was d mistake...his fathr has a good heart...laods of crap i musta said sha to get approval but it defntly matters!
my beau beahves like his dady,my brothers are like my daddy,me am like my mama.....
of wchs,where's d concluding episode from the violent men series?

TBR said...

It does to some extent. The more one thinks about it though, the less one sees.

Jaguda said...

well it definitely matters but an individual will have to decide[circumstances permitting of course] whether he/she will allow the background to influence the future. for instance just because your dad beat your mum doesnt mean you should beat your wife, or because your husband comes from a poverty stricken home means he wont be rich[MKO Abiola]. you have people who grew up in broken homes and blame everything on that.....you also have Obama who is a product of a broken home. the choice to an extent....is YOURS.

wordmerchant said...

What matters most is the person, Yes his family, upbringing, culture, religion etc will shape the person they become but ultimately it is who they become that matters the most.

miz-cynic said...

for me i agree tht family background matas but the individual is the ultimate.....ur marriage is in ur hands, if u see marriage as im in it and i have to make work.....it'll work...it'll be hard very hard.but wish urself the best

bumight said...

the family background matters, but u should also be able to look at things objectively. because a person comes from a broken home doesnt mean they'll do the same. some times children learn from the mistakes of their parents instead of emulating.

However, family background in terms of religion, relatives etc is important cos u know in Nigeria if u marry a man, u marry his whole family as well.

Dabizniz said...

I think it matters a lot more than we think. People grow up doing somethings then all of a sudden can not adjust to a different way of doing things when they get married.

People can change but a bit of investigation does can not hurt so you know what the questions you should be asking

Naija Bloggers Awards 2009 said...

Doll love,

Come on over.

Abujamaiden said...

All those things matter because even if he loves you, his culture, family, religion can permit him to do some things that you cannot understand if you're not part of that ethnic group or faith.

Like my Aunt who was married for almost 30years enjoying her husband only for him to marry a 20yr old. His family supported it and so did his culture and religion.

They were in love but see what other factors did. If she were from the same backgroud as him, she would not have been hurt as she is now.

LG said...

love conquers all

For the love of me said...

I typed a long comment and blogger spoke plenty English.
Background matters a lot. Everyday, I realise how I am really my mother's child, and my hubby,his mothers. It takes understanding, patience,tolerance love etc to live in peace despite the many differences.

anonymous gal said...

i feel u on the diff culture thin. my culture has no qualms wit young ones greetin an elder while standin. i even hi five my gradmother. i would be doomed if i end with a yoruba man

JideSalu's Diary said...

Wow Doll,

First time here and this is good lady.

Hmmmn, for someone who has seen and experience a lot in my short years of co-habitation with wifey, I will say that background is very important in choosing one's
partner.

Oh yes Love conquers all, but at what cost?

Checking out the family's background is so important. Once you spot the Mum and Dad, you would have taken a pip into the future of your future partner.

Also a tip, take it from me - parents call on your partner is usually spot on.

Nice topic...am off to the previous entry

rethots said...

Yes family background does matters, that is where ones values, principles et al are shaped.

Religion, Ethnic, Culture are subjective though each family differs in them (and 'tis pretty important to be sure one is comfortable with the other in respect to these 3) yet still, they do not define or even make the core values of a person.

The family does.

Jay Girl said...

It matters oh. It does

Ladi said...

It definitely does. But isn't the only factor.

Uzezi said...

family background can affect two ways, negatively or positively. it depends on choices made. and i feel you on all that kneeling as Caveman is Yoruba and I now work in a state that has more yorubaness than lagos. i no fit kneel o

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

It is good to think about these things for sure, but we cannot allow them to limit us. My good friend is Igbo married to Yoruba. Yes, there are differences, but at the end of the day, they love each other and understand that those differences will not be a hinderance to their union. What about me? I am married to someone from the Commonwealth of Dominica, a tiny Carribbean island.

It is possible to be in a happy and satisfactory marriage with someone from a different tribe, religion etc. If you are ever in that situation, I am sure you will be just fine.

Take care and Oh, BTW, shebi you live in Lagos? Come check out the Nigerian Curiosity of 2008. If you live in a Lagos, then you know who the person is and can share your thoughts on the issue. Would be greatly appreciated.

pink-satin said...

Family background, tribe etc matters..the more different you are the more you see things differently and the more obstacles you have because you have been raised differently..However, the individual character is what matters most...whats the point of marrying someone with d same background etc but has a horrible character?If that individual from a diff tribe,background etc has qualities that are compatible with you and vice versa then you are all set!

Caelestis Angelus! said...

I believe family backgroud matters o. The way you were brought up, the values instilled almost always determine how you run your home. A person from a broken home should work hard to make his different or else you see yourself towing the same lane effortlessly.

Buttercup said...

i totally echo jaguda..

Sha said...

Yea i bliv family bckgrnd matters to a certain extent, and everyone is different! Love conquers everything, I believe..

Buttercup said...

Hey babe, i've done the 2nd installment!

Thinking out aloud said...

Well it matters a whole lot. Point of correction, in Naija you are not marrying the man or woman but his or her family and it is so damn annoying.

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