Tuesday, August 5, 2008

the right mix of motherhood and career

SINCE blogville and the entire world seems to be getting married ( I’v bought over 13 aso-ebi this year alone) we may as well talk about motherhood and work

How do women….working women that is juggle career and motherhood especially when the kids are young???

When I was younger…. Two weeks before my 6th birthday I was sexually molested by our houseboy…… he asked me to come and lick icecream (his dick) after one taste I cried that I dint like that type of icecream. After a few tears he asked me to take off my clothes and lie down on my stomach that he would give me the one I will prefer…..i did…this asshole was actually going to penetrate my ass-hole….i was 2 wks shy of 6 years (in fact party preparations were on going for my sixth birthday) and he was 22…..But before he could….. my brother came in and raised alarm……my parents were told when they got back…needless to say he was properly dealt with….the police were invited….my dad gave him some razor blade marks before the police arrived tho….

I have another friend that was usually left in the care of her mumc’s younger brother after school….pending when her parents get home from work this guy….her uncle raped her an raped her friend…school friend not once not twice not thrice…..she was 9, he was 27, her friend was 8….she couldn’t tell her mum, it was her friend that summoned up courage to tell her mum and that’s how the whole thing blew open her mum dint mention it to her father till today……because the guy is her brother and she was scared of his reaction tho she almost killed the guy with a pestle….when neighbors gathered she said the guy stole from her

Last year, a church member’s house girl threw her son down the stairs in a fleet of anger, one foot is now longer than the other…..

….And there are many more stories like that....

Pls do tell me how do you intend to juggle motherhood and career….am curious?

29 comments:

Aphrodite said...

Wow...
Those were some horrid stories o...

God forbid bad thing sha.
It is hard but by God's grace we shall triumph over the devil and his agents.

That said, i loved ur previous post. Was right on point with the tell tale signs to know if he is into you or not.

the genius within said...

Scary stories..i shudder to think some people have experienced such horrors..God dey oh..

Anyways can't answer your question since it is being 'feministic'..is that a word sef?...runs to check wiki..

Anyways nice to have you back and don't yah ever go awol without permission..lol

OluwaDee said...

I so do not like hearing these stories, but hearing them helps me understand y my mother was so paranoid.

So i plan 2 do just what my mother dud n much more;
Not focus on career, but on my family. Probably be a stay @ home mum n run a business alongside.
If I have 2 leave my kids with anyone, it will either be my mother or my husbands mother.

I will not let d driver take my kids 2 skull alone.
I will not leave my kids alone with an uncle (xcept my brothers) or cousin.

I only trust my dad, mum, mother n father inlaw n my 3 brothers. N yeah my grandmother.

I will do this by Gods grace.

Chari said...

wow...I dunno...I feel there's no point mixin the two...I sound like a big time chauvinist but its jus the truth...how will u know w@s going on at home?

Chari said...

Oluwadee is sooo ryt mehn..wish I could find a woman to marry that would have that in mind mehn cuz that's jus the plain truth...

fluffycutething said...

I'm quite shocked at these stories,even though i know it's quite "common place" i still feel so sad that they occur with our parents not knowing or reacting the right way i tell you!!

Parents of these days are better equipped to deal or rather prevent this kind of abuse these days sha

Also there are now loads of day care facilities that run till late which could be good options for people who have to work late or are stuck in traffic for long hours(considering that we're in Lagos)

@Oluwadee- i'm so with you on your plan but we can only pray that we live near these family members when we have children or more importantly that they are alive and able to help out with child care!!!

doll said...

@ Aphrodite thanx

@Genius within...LOL. be rest assured i wont

@OlUWADEE words of wisdom...
@Chari hmm
@Fluff i agree working in Lagos is crazy

ibiluv said...

too many horror stories like that......

i wish everyone out there a kid like i was.......

ur kid should be like me.....a chatterbox....tell her everything and she does same.....

no uncle could have succeeded with me.........

he knew i would tell even the mallam on the street!!!!!!!!!!!

LG said...

na wa o, dis thing do happen
God help us- AMEN
newayz 4 ME...
GOD takes 1st place *no rival*
FAMILY/HOME comes 2nd
N WORK/CAREER comes 3rd

its not gonna b easy, but with God on my side, d rest is .....

naijalines said...

You've just zapped into my fears girl! This is exactly why I'm still at home. I don't trust anyone to look after my little girl but I also know I can't be an at-home mum forever. It's a tough one.

@ CHARI
You're not being a male chauvinist. It's important to share one's concerns. It's nice for a couple to support each other though cos that's the best way to deal with it...Particularly if the woman wants to work too.

Iwalewa McDaniels said...

This stories don't shock me anymore. They are appalling but u just hear so many of them and what's worse is that there are some pple trying to cover it up.


I absolutely plan to work. Career is very important to me but I dunno, I might change my opinion later. I just think I'm not the stay at home type or one to have a "shop" or something like that, anyway sha, we shall see.

Afronuts said...

Kai!!

God help us oh!

I'm scared shitless of ever having some househelp stay with my kid when I have one oh. Ha!

I was also a victim of such sef. I was sexually harrassed by our nymphetic housegirl in my younger years

Dee! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dee! said...

Those stories are very horrific! But the sad thing is that such are still happening even with the "etxra care" mothers (working or not) put in to ensure that their children are not molested. Even the boys fall victim of such sexual harrasment, we just have to be prayerful. I have 2 kids (girl and boy) and I must confess I am very paranoid when it comes to the welfare of my kids! I encourage them to talk! O yes talk! Everyday, as a matter of principle, we all discuss the events of the day. And I always add that "when you tell mummy something someone else has done to you, you are not reporting... I won't tell the person you told me..." That way the gist flows. And on a few occassion, some things were revealed and I was tactical in dealing with the situation.

As a working mum, there is a need to have a child minder for the period you are away.

Only God will help us!

QMoney said...

no kidding,dat was scary but my dear,i have tot about those things before oh.sumtin similar happened to me when i was younger and my father carry cutlass to almost kill d guy.
as for mums,i cant even imagine how they cope.dis mad lagos and traffics,its bad enuf i struggle to get to work at 8 and am all by myself,wat will happen wen i have kids?i dunno jare,guess a very very good kids place would be preferabble to all dis house help horror.women should be paid for been mothers!!!!!!!!!!!1

anonymous gal said...

gosh these r sad stories. my dear how to juggle the two has been a source of worri to me o.strangers dont abuse our kids its who we trust them wit they do the harm

bumight said...

like anon gal said, its usually those that are close to you that abuse your kids not strangers.

Prayer! Prayer!! Prayer!!!

I know so many mom who work, and juggle their homes at the same time. My mom did it, and most of the time, my dad was out of town.

She prayed and was very cautious. she didnt trust anybody and whenever she had to leave us with someone else, she prayed like none other.

i used to think my mom was a wicked mom, but now I understand that all she did was to make sure that such things never happened to me and my sisters.

mizchif said...

Hmmmm,very scary stories.
I remember my friends sister lost her only girl a while back cuz the hsegirl sacrified her in thier coven. Sharply, the lady retired and subsequently, evry member of hsehold staff has to undergo deliverance MFM style before u can resume work.

u see one of the reasons why i have to marry a rich husband. I intend to be more of a stay @ home mum, i know i'm too restless to be a full time house wife, but i've come to find thhat it is very easy to miss out on a lot when you pull those 8-10 (a.k.a 9-5 in other parts of the world) shifts.

It's one of the reasons why my parents are almost clueless about the kind of children they have, although we turned out great sha.

Parakeet said...

Hmm...some shit are really going down in that Nija o.

Its a tough world for a career woman who wishes to juggle her career with keeping a home but its doable. You just only have to work 4 hours a day for when the kids are in school.

Uzezi said...

first of all, thank God u escaped.

juggling motherhood, career, being a wife wouldn't be easy at all. it is the Grace of God, that will save us and our kids, from the hands of molesters and wicked house helps

Afrobabe said...

This is something that scares me everyday I thik of starting a family.... hopefully it will not be our portion...

doll said...

Thanx y'all for your answer

onydchic said...

i think its a bit unfair to assume that this stuff happened because the mother worked... These are things that happen when close but external relatives come in and stay with family. I've heard such horror stories happen when the parents merely popped out to see a friend, or go to a party. My mum worked most of my younger years, and every so often she will ask questions and give me and my sis instructions when we had to be diven to school. The truth is, noone can be with their child 24-7. It's just not possible, you just have to pray anfd be cautious. I, for one, hope to work, I'm not a 'shop' person. But I'm delving into a line of work that allows me flexible hours just because it was nice seeing my mum after school and i want my kids to have the same.

Whew, long post. Nice blog.

doll said...

thanx babes

Free-flowing Florida said...

am dear, i've been wondering d same thing sef. seriously, as e dey me now eh, no housegirl or relative 4 me. creche dey! i know it costs, but i'd rather. if i must do housegirl/boy, mtn apparently has come up with a solution. MTN video monitor camera dat is enabled 4rm a 3.5G phone. but wit all d network wahala, how we fit know say wetin we dey see na wetin dey happen true true

Mekistein said...

e be like say marriage dey hungry u..lol

doll said...

@Meki 4 where. am just 22
@Flo LOL

Buttercup said...

OMG...im sorry bout ur experience..

readin this now has made me think of shiftin my focus, kinda...i've always wanted to be a career woman...i guess some people juggle it, it takes the grace of God..

i dunno jo!

Onyeka Alaku said...

I know you are retired, this post brought back an awful memory I try to repress every single day of my life. I wish I coukd talk about it as freely as you have done. At times like this I wish I was an anonymous blogger :-)