simply grateful

The year started on a good note..bought my tear rubber in feb..got promoted in April...moved to our new house in June..


Then toward the end of the year, after Lamido's tsunami things took a down turn...salaries started coming in late, pay slash etc...depressing really..but this past Monday God decided i should have a reason to rejoice...final results for the professional exams i have been writing came out..AM CHARTERED..

So i have a lot to be grateful for in 2009 really...

Life and good health

A job and salary to look forward to at the end of the month (thousands of folks have their jobs in December alone due to downsizing, rightsizing and pack up of many businesses especially in the financial sector)

My admission to a professional body - (wrote the 5 diets back to back without failing any paper)

My brand new car

Our new house

My boyfriend

My work-out regime

My 65kg weight (from 71kg)

My brother's job


Here is to a better and dream fulfilling 2010. merry x-mas folks and happy new year. Whatever you do, do not forget the reason for the season. JESUS CHRIST

Do you think? (Random post)

that you will read your blog posts in say 5 years and feel ssilly?

I stumbled on my university diary and read it from cover to cover and just felt silly...all those childish rant...then i also wished i could be that carefre again, when my idea of a problem was getting a B grade in Mat 110 or missing "when you are mine"...(Paloma and Diego)

I long for the days when i dint have to budget half of my salary on aso ebi buying and attend weddings every frigging weekend...

Anyways moving on...my latest obsession has been fitness...for about 4 months now, iv been going to the gym a minimum of 2 times per week and i can proudly say....drums roll...that i'v dropped from 70kg to 64kg...NO DIETING. just 30 mins on the thread mill and 30 mins aerobics...

I wonder how being married feels....

i wonder how being pregnant feels....

I wonder how it feels to be a mother...to have a tiny weeny cutie...

soonest i'l know...

I am looking forward to my vacation in 2 weeks...cant wait...

You vs Him

With you I am happy but incomplete…

You spoil me with Tender Loving Care, you understand me, you know what I am capable of, You I can tell my every thought, express my every desire.

With you i am not self conscious, with you I can be myself, with you I discovered the joys of loving someone when the person loves you back

You are so romantic, so selfless, so giving, you know the right words to say, the right way to say it and how to make a girl feel special

But,

You have raised your hand to hit me twice, you are over possessive, you are insecure, you have family issues, you have no job, you have no income, your upbringing is the opposite of mine, you have a lackadaisical approach to important things, you never took your studies seriously, you don’t understand my job and my career aspirations….

when I look at You, all I see is a man I luv, a man with no potentials




With Him I am happy but incomplete

He is a good Christian, he has a job, he is intelligent, he is focused and driven, his upbringing is at par with mine, he is sweet, he is decent, he is a gentleman.

He draws me close to God, he makes me laugh, he is caring and loving, he is kind and selfless

Him, I can look up to for spiritual, financial and on the job guidance since we are in the same industry

With him, I am not who I am but who I want to be

But

He is not as tall as you are, he is not as romantic as you are; he is not spontaneous like you, he doesn’t make me cry like you, he doesn’t know me like you do, he has no idea what I am capable of doing


When I look at him, I see a man I can fall in luv with, a man with potentials but a man that is not YOU

How important is luv?

in a marriage that is...

The bitter sweet emotion of loving someone and having that person luv you back is an emotion everybody should experience at least once in a lifetime..

I grew up reading all them romance book, believing in prince charming and happy ever after...
but these days, with the rate of divorce on the rise...i have to ask myself how important is luv...afterall these folks getting divorced didn't they luv each other at some point? when they said" I do" were they not in crazy luv?

So i have decided to re-define my "to look out for' in choosing a future partner..here is my top 8..

• Top on the list is religion...i want someone that has the same beliefs and faith as i do..infact i want at least one of his parents to have these beliefs and values

• Intelligence ..i want my children to be smart

• Financial stability - You have to earn more than me...i'v been in the opposite band wagon...the insecurities...God! JUST believe me....this does matter

• Romantic - them dinners, gifts, roses, chocolates, card...YES YES YES...bring them on
  

• Predictable - Am so done with spontaneity

• Organized- this is because i am highly disorganized

• Manly - No mushy mushy guy pls...i can cry a bucket for both of us when necessary
  

• Basket ball height < or = 6 feet - this used to be no 1..but now i guess it doesn't matter so much anymore...but please (God let him) be at least my height
  

where to draw the line

Growing up, my father made was very influential in a lot of decisions I made…like I wanted to go to arts class..he thought I was too bright to waste away like that so he instructed me to go to science class…now am working andfirm…writing my final diet of ICAN this year…
I was gonna move to a rented apartment cuz the commute from the mainland (ikeja) to the Island (VI) were I work was hellish my father raised the roof…no daughter of his was gonna live alone…what decent girl lives alone when he parents are alive and bla bla…so I decided to move in with my mum’s younger sis in Lekki phase one…my papa no gree…anyways I busted o!lived with the traffic and life moved on
After school, when job offers came to, my father steered me to making a decision on which to accept

And a lot of other decisions I can’t write about for lack of zeal and energy

Anyways this year I decided to buy a brand new car and my dad gave me HELL..literally…he was of the opinion that a 22 (was 22 then) years old, single girl had no business driving a brand new car, what will people say an so on…but I put my foot down…it was my own hard earned money no be say aristo wan buy am for me…so I went ahead and bought the car…the day the car landed my dad did not come down to see it…he just pretended like it did not exist…the succeeding month was hell so much
So that I was considering clearing my account to rent a flat…for I couldn’t do anything right in the sight of my father…and I knew everything was anger cuz of the car

Fast-forward six months to the present

My dad drives this car like its his own…sometimes without even telling me, he doesn’t hesitate to brag to his friends..“this is my daughter and this is her car”
And I wonder what If I dint go ahead..

This year also I changed my church from my parents Baptist church cuz I felt I wasn’t growing spiritually…hell was raised..but I put my foot down and I think am spiritually better for it today


So I attended a wedding last weekend…the bride and groom were my friend in school. They have been together for 6 over six years now…since year one in school..

They wanted to get married last year but the girl’s parents have always been opposed to the whole relationship and marriage cuz the bobo is muslim& from a polygamous home while she is Christian…she tried to persuade them and stuff..as they no gree..she ran away from home to the guys house…anyways she got pregnant that is when they finally agreed to let her marry him…;last weekend @the wedding ceremony she looked so heavy like she’s gonna give birth soon.
And I know when we were in school she was saving herself for marriage (as in no sex policy) an now she had to be wadlng up and down on her own wedding day..

That said they say what a child sees standing up, the elders see sitting down (literally meaning elders..parents…are wiser), the bible also said “obey your mother and father that your days may be long on earth….”
I know they had a valid point..marriage is hard enough you might as well go in with as much leveled ground as possible..but are some mistakes not the individual’s own to make..the most painful mistake is the mistake somebody else coerced you into making…your own mistake you can still live with.

Bn a while i posted

but iv been doing my blog rounds actively....things seem to be slow these days in blogville but not in my life.....


Got promoted at work
Passed my professional exams...am writing my finals soon
Doll (thats me) celebrated her blogversary
We (my family) moved houses...from the mainland to the island


my relationship....too much drama...all my own making of course.....i dont know what has come over me...


Quarter life crisis i blame you this confused state i find myself in

Why cant i make a decision and stick by it?

Anyways as per my other blog..haven't started posting...when i do it'l be public

Orgasm

Research conducted by Yours Truly, shows that holding urine back could lead to Urinary Tract Infection (UTI), weak bladder….and orgasm…Yes ORGASM…

About 5 years ago…or longer….I realized that when I hold back urine..i get orgasms…

Although at that point I had no idea that it was called an orgasm…it was just a pleasurable feeling that lasts for 10 seconds and shakes me a little at the end.

The orgasms are more “out of this world” if I help it with my thoughts….

I always thought I was weird until I stumbled on an article last week about women getting orgasms from holding back urine…out of curiosity I googled it up and saw that this is quite a common phenomenon…

But the fear of UTI and weak bladder has put the fear of God in me…maybe its just better to leave the orgasm generation to the men

But I swear..this urine induced orgasm is more powerful…

Totally Random

I’l be a year...23 to be precise this weekend...where are the May babies in the house???

Anyways was just reflecting on my life...i was promoted at work last week, the pay is gets better by the second, i bought a brand new car this year, am months away (by God’s grace) from being professionally chartered.

I seem to have achieved a lot for a girl my age but there is this nagging restlessness i cant shake off...this dissatisfaction, anxiousness ...am sorta on edge or is it bored... like waiting for what next..

Its just annoying cuz i cant place my hand on the cause..if its my job, my parents, my boyfriend, my car, my house ....LOL

Maybe its the numerous aso-ebi i keep buying, maybe its cuz my closest girlfriend just put to bed at 4am this morning...

Do i want to get married...NO..Not yet...i don’t want kids now...so what is my problem....why do i spend a lot of time these days thinking about marriage and kids and scaring the living shit out of myself...

My life is lacking excitement...

I need a new job so that i can get a life...

I guess am having quarter life crisis

Anyways make una join me thank papa God for an extra year and his never ending mercies...

If nothing else am sure he truly luvs me...

14th April 2004

It was a wednessday. We just returned to school from the Easter break. I had made up my mind during the holidays that I was ready to be yours…

We had dinner and I said yes…that we could be together…

Its hard to believe its 5 years…

Sometimes it seems like yesterday…

Sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago…

Sometimes am not sure anymore, sometimes the road seems too rough, sometimes love seems too hard, sometimes the issues seem endless, and sometimes the pain seems unbearable…

But…

I still Luv you

I still want you

I still see a future with you

Remembering today and always that my definition of luv is YOU

Happy anniversary baby

We are officially a break now

I asked for a break…. Our anniversary is in 2 weeks….14^th of April to be precise…

I need to sort my head out….do I still want this…..can I spend the rest of my life with him….

I need to pray…..maybe should fast….

I cant get over the heart-wrenching way he sounded on the phone…he seemed so broken…so….he just couldn’t understand what I need a break for…maybe cuz I couldn’t explain it as well….in his opinion things couldn’t be better….

But then a man that cannot give a girl a 2 week break from a straight non stop 5 year relationship…is he in luv with her or obsessed with her???

I hate being the cause of someone’s pain

I cant concentrate at work…

Its beginning to feel like cheating

There is this guy “E” – used to be my friend…well still is my friend..but we’v taken it a notch higher…we talk on phone like 4 times daily and the night conversations are quite long…

We see every weekend (not my fault tho..we take weekend classes at the same place..that is how we met)

I find myself looking forward to these chats

He is single

He is intelligent

He is matured

He is a good xtian

He is nice and caring

He doesn’t know I have a boyfriend

He is not asking me out

But he fancies me (I think)

I feel like am cheating but am not am I?

The four Meme

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. Unfortunately or should I say fortunately (am not sure which) am still at my first job - consultant


FOUR FICTIONAL JOBS YOU WISH YOU HAD
1. President of Nigeria.
2.Editor, Mills and Boons
3. Beyonce’s wardrope designer
4. MD Hilton worldwide



FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN
1. Lagos
2. Kaduna
3.Osun
4. London

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. One tree Hill
2. Prison Break
3. 24
4. Lost

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELED TO (I WISH)
1. London
2. Dubai
3. South Africa
4. America(I WISH)

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY
1. Bloggs Ville
2.Google
3. Facebook
4. Yahoo

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
1. Chicken
2. Pepper Soup
3.Rice
4. Chips

FOUR THINGS YOU WON'T EAT
1. Cereals of any kind
2. Swallow food of any kind
3. Un-cooked onions
4. Water melon

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT OR DRINK RIGHT NOW
1. Chicken
2. Rice and dodo
3. Nkwobi
4. Diet coke

FOUR THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. Bed
2. Novels
3. Clothes
4. Shoes

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. A carton of novels I haven’t read
2. A pile of series I haven’t washed
3. Book Shelves
4. More space.

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. A black (very sexy) bra
2. Matching thongs
3. Brown pants
4. Pink shirt

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. Dubai (shopping)
2. Paris (on vacation)
3. At home watching a series
4. In bed reading a novel


FOUR FICTIONAL PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. In Wonderland with Alice.
2.In prison with Scofield
3. Lost on the magical island with Jack
4.White house with Obama


FOUR THINGS YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW
1. Its Thursday almost a weekend
2. If only I dint have to go to classes this weekend I’d have gone clubbing tomorrrow
3. Am I making the most of my youth?
4. Damn! Haven’t read bible today

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS
1. Novels
2. Clothes
3. Cars
4. Shoes

FOUR THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1. I cry when reading novel or watching films
2. I react to nickel in jewellery (hence I wear only Gold)
3. I am greatly discomforted when flying
4. I am afraid to sleep alone in a big house

FOUR PEOPLE YOU TAG
1. You
2. You
3.You
4. And You

Help

They say an elder does not learn to use left hand in his old age…yea whateva that means. I need help trying to stop some bad habits such as

Being scattered (My mum says no man would put up with this) – am not dirty (cant stand dirt) but am scattered. My wardrobe is upside down, even when I fold them stuff..i always upturn everything when am looking for what to wear

My room is disorganized, I have books, shoes, stuff generally…everywhere

Even my car booth is disorganized

Also I need help with nail biting – cant seem to beat this

Impatience – this is not even a habit….its a terrible vice

Being undecided – or should I say finding it hard to make decisions and sticking by them. Especially when it has to do with change

Does Family Background matter?

People say if you want to see what a girl will look like after child bearing, go look at her mother. If people want to get married, they usually go to investigate the family, if the person is from a divorced family likelihood that the marriage wont last is there. If the father beats the mother, it is more likely than not that the guy is gonna beat you when he gets married to you.

I used to think all these were just shitload of crap. Afterall you are marrying a person and not his family but mehn I’ve changed my mind. To a certain degree family background does matter, upbringing does distill some values in you that school, church, and mosque, whatever cannot.

Down to the issue of culture/ tribe / religion. I always knew I’ll never compromise religion cuz when the chips are down, we may as well be calling on the same God.

I am not tribalistic, my Boo is Yoruba while am not but this different tribe thingy does have its effect, diverse cultural expectations, kneel down, stand up, whatever! and I imagine it will be hard especially if one does not understand the language.

I guess everything can be managed sha but it is always good to think about them so that one knows what he/she is getting into.

Violent men

1. Have you ever been hit by your boyfriend / Husband? If yes were you able to work away or did you forgive him?

2. Would your answer be different if you felt he were genuinely sorry?


3. If you forgave the first time can you forgive a second time (say an interval of 1.5 years)?

First Rule of Break up

I did say I have never done this before…nobody warned me the first rule of break up which is don’t see him…

Well he came to my office last week fri after 2 hours of pulling the right strings (he sure knows the right strings to pull after all its been five years) my heart had to melt…

I feel weak like I cant take a decision and stand by it…

I however take solace in the fact that he was really shaken and believed I was really and truly ready to move on

But between me and you, he is on probation…..any hint of insecurity I would just start dating somebody else..maybe that’s the only way I will be able to move on.

Well so far he has been on his best behavior…I haven’t driven this week…he gets to my house 5.30am to pick me up…drops me at work and takes me back home (he says he will do this for this whole week)…he has really been amazing…but am skeptical as to how long “ this amazing behavior will last” will last

Anyways I will keep u guys posted

Am about to break up with my boyfriend….

I still love him and I know for sure he still loves me

I have never had to do this before cuz he is/was my first boyfriend

We have been together for 5 yrs

Thing is I earn significantly more than him…(It doesn’t matter to me tho) but to the male ego Its crazy…I have tried to manage the situation…really really tried but there are complex and insecurity issues I feel I cant deal with this new year…

Its beginning to feel like he doesn’t wish me well cuz of his state

I am worried….and sad……..but it feels like its time to move on…before luv turns to hate