Why did we struggle to grow up???

Life is one twisted irony!

When we were in secondary school, we all longed to get into university, freedom! School without uniform, campus life, less parental controls, etc.

Then we got to university and became fed up with endless lectures, project work, assignments, etc. The working class strata became more attractive, Imagine working hard and being paid at the end of the month as opposed to an A grade in our report cards. We imagine being able to spend money on some luxuries we craved but couldn’t dare to mention to our parents.

Then we graduate with good grades and get the dream job and realize that waking up at 5am to spend endless hours in traffic, to sit in front of the computer crunching numbers isn’t exactly fun. We find out soon enough that the take home doesn’t really take us home. Being among the working class population is not as exciting as we imagined it would be.

Then we begin to seek out the next new excitement. What next? Marriage of course. We begin to fantasize about finding “the one”. It would be nice to have someone to be there for us permanently, no worries about if we are wanted for just for sex, or for money, or for looks. This right here is for keeps, forever! Only to find out that living happily ever after is just a fantasy and idols have clay feet.

Then we graduate to giving birth to children only to realize that babies are super cute when they can be returned, not when you are stuck with them 24:7.

Then we wake up one day with 10 teeth, needing the support of a walking stick to move around and we wondered why we grew up, because growing up is indeed a TRAP.

My point???make the most of the phase of life you are right now, cause there is no turning back the hands of the clock.

P.S i'm cranky, anxious, on edge, and uneasy. I need a vacation!!!!!

I am trying to inhale, exhale...breathe

Thankful Monday

SO I did not get the job I mentioned in my former post and I have been feeling sorry for myself, but there is still a lot to be thankful for so I have to snap out of it sharply and offer my sacrifice of praise. Here goes my top 5:
1. God - My father, my friend. There are times I feel so loved by him, and other times when I feel abandoned by him. But I have come to realize that he always comes through for me and I’m really grateful that I have my prayer book to remind me of his mercies over the years and to power up my faith.
2. Life – Headcount, everyone complete. 7 months of 2011 is behind us, and I have not lost any family member or anyone I love. I can’t take this for granted
3. Love – My fiancé: my lover, my friend. Every day I thank God for taking my all heart desires including the ones I couldn’t dare to hope for and breathing life into it. Now I can read God’s definition of love (as found in 1st Corinthians 13) with a smile. I have indeed found “the one”.
4. Family – I was listening to Chaz B’s sharing life issues sometime last week and the conclusion was that most families are dysfunctional. My family are not rich, just lower average, but they are united, full of life, supportive, loving, caring, and most importantly saved.
5. Laughter - Haven experienced emotional and financial discouragement, disappointment and depression at some point in my life, laughter is indeed a pleasure, a luxury to be thankful for.

Count down - 6 months!

If it pleases the Lord, six months down the line today, I shall be getting married traditionally. I am excited and scared at the same time.

Before i got engaged, all I saw was wedding pictures, happy couples, etc but since I copped the ring, friends and peeps generally have been coming clean and open; hammering how marriage is not a bed of roses, how it is hard work, how 80% of expectations would not be met, how it is stifling, how it is choking, etc. It is so scary I just want to run away. The fiancé and I have been talking about it a lot these days, the poor guy probably think I’m getting cold feet from the way I’v been bringing all these up, he even asked if I wanted to move the dates up, LOL. No cold feet here honestly, I guess one is always apprehensive about the unknown but truth is there is no one I’d rather be embarking on this journey with, because he is truly amazing and I know he’ll make a good husband and a good father and most importantly we have God as our foundation.


So six months to go, I’m really reluctant to delve fully into planning, because I need to get another job ASAP, we both work together and even though my MD has told me three times, that he wouldn’t want to lose any of us and he’ll find a way to work around it, I really don’t want to get married here. It is too much of a risk financially for both husband and wife to earn a living from the same place. I attended a couple of interviews in July, had the final stage of one last week, so your prayers are solicited o! this is topmost in my request sheet to God.


Anyways, my dress has been sorted out, I’ll get it in November or early December, then I’ll worry about accessories and the like then. I shall register us for counseling this month and we can start in September. Wedding venue has been picked but not paid for yet. I’ll try the caterer for the introduction first, if we are impressed then she’ll do the wedding, the fiance doesn’t want the regular jollof rice, moin-moin and chicken, he wants a really rich menu with different kind of sauces and the like. I’m open to recommendations for vendors especially for everything from MC, band, decorator, drinks, food, everything.

On the weight loss bit, the instructor at the gym asked that i reduce my activity from 5 times a week to 4 times, i agreed (after this month hehehe)


The colors for the white wedding! Peaches and ivory (cream) (was chosen by the fiance o) how does that sound???

For the traditional i want yellow, what does yellow go with apart from brown????

Happy new month! May our dreams come true in August.

4kG lighter + randoms

Goal achieved for week two as well. So between last Monday when this weight loss journey started and today, I have averaged 15 hours of work out. Nothing like the white ivory dress to keep a girl motivated!

On Wednesday 5 people at work asked if I was losing weight YAY!!!!!!. Weighed myself this morning and I am down to 69KG double YAY!!!!!!!!!! 4KG gone, isn’t God amazing????Now I have just 6KG to lose, then I’ll slow down to maintenance mode!

Thanks for all your comments on my last posts, for people that urged me to eat right! I always try to o! but between my desk job and my car, it is really easy to pile on weight.

SO we’v finally narrowed down to 2 weekends in Feb for the wedding! Triple Yay!!! LOL. So basically I have 6 months to plan which is good news. Next item on my workplan Wedding colors and wedding counseling and introduction in that order.

Happy weekend and happy August!

Goal achieved for week one

SO I registered and resumed at the gym on Monday.
Was able to meet my goal of 90 mins mon - fri (5 times a week)
Goal met for week one
I really hope I can sustain the momentum
Need to lose 10kg
I ordered my dress in size 12 and that sucked big time
Hopefully when it comes, it comes it would need pleeeeeeeeeeeeeenty alterations cuz I would be a size 8
Thank God it’s Friday.

wedding dress - update

So I went to consult Nigerian designer I mentioned in my earlier and guess how much my bill was N350,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. (not that the style was anything complicated o! apparently anything that has lace starts from 300k) That was way above my budget and my budget is pretty healthy. I guess that’s typical of us Nigerians, to carve a niche for yourself, you have to be expensive, plus business is good, she had many brides-to-be waiting for consultation as well.
Anyways, I checked some stores and some naija bridal store here and concluded that most of the dresses here are china (inferior made). I am still cringing from some of the “lace” in some of the dresses I saw.

After endless souring online I finally found the dress, It is a Maggie Sottero dress. It is simple, elegant, mermaid style, with lace and Swarovski crystals, it has a long train and comes with inner corset. I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though it was a teeny weeny bit over my budget plus the fact that I changed dollars for N165 did not help. Bottomline, I have ordered the dress in Ivory and I’ll get it early November. I know someone is thinking to herself all wedding dresses are made in China, yes I know!!! Afterall even Vera Wang does not stay up stitching dresses herself, but I guess Quality Control and Assurance goes a long way.

With my dress sorted, I can face my bridesmaid dresses in August. I have decided not to be involved in tailor matter, or style matter, for obvious reasons, I have been bridesmaid thrice and I hated the style the bride chose for us, I hated the tailor’s handiwork too (terrible finishing). Therefore, we’ll collectively buy the fabric for all bridesmaid so that the fabric would be uniform, then each individual can pick out a style (show me first of course just for my information!) and a tailor and make her dress. Only the Chief Bridesmaid wears a long dress though.
I have also started making a list of vendors, though I have contacted no one yet.

I went to a wedding recently, the couple (bride and groom) were Delta igbo, but the band kept playing Yoruba songs!!!!! I guess these are the softer stuff I should be taking note of.

Finding love in the least likely place (Part Two)

Can’t say it was love at first sight because we have been working at the same organization for over a year without saying much to each other. I remember thinking to myself once that this new guy has nice shirts and dresses well. I also remember thinking to myself this guy is arrogant and unfriendly.


At some point, we started talking especially when he moved to my hood, he tried hooking me up with his best friend as well. When a bike man ran into my car and took out my doors, I and my brother hitched with him for about 2 weeks to VI.

Anyways, I was ill and din’t come to work for about a week, he called me to say he hasn’t seen me at work, after asking about my health, he went to real reason why he noticed I wasn’t at work (although he won’t admit this!!!), his friend was celebrating his birthday in the hood and I guess they were looking to invite as many babes as possible, so he said I should drop by if I felt better that day.


On the Saturday of the party, I was feeling much better and tired of staying in bed, so I dressed up, went for the party, planning to stay one hour max!, got there he mixed a cocktail for me, and somehow we started talking, he told me about business school, about his career aspirations, his 5-year goal, a lot of serious stuff and I sat there so fascinated, I was really tripped and thinking to myself, wow! He has it all figured out, what a focused guy, what an intelligent guy. We talked for ages, sipping on cocktail, later I found out that other folks at the party thought we were dating or had a thing going but it was a very platonic, sensible conversation majorly (till today, he says, for once in his life he actually had no ulterior motive). Anyways, time to go and he held my hands , looked into my eyes and said don’t go yet babe, the party has barely started. That’s when I felt the chemistry, I scampered home fast. Before is slept, I replayed the whole day in my head, wondered if it was the alcohol that got things twisted in my head, if he acted weirdly, if I acted wierdly, if I gave wrong vibes, if he had a girlfriend, etc , I shrugged it off and slept.


By Monday, the next week, I had almost forgotten the weekend, he started giving me really weird vibes, e.g. a very cute smile when he passes my desk, buying me breakfast or lunch everyday, from there we graduated to chatting on gtalk occasionally, then to texting back and forth and stuff like that. Invited him to mid week service, when we were chatting one day and it was time for me to go to church (he started coming with me religiously), then I invited him to a musical concert at church on a Saturday and he came, the next day Sunday, he came to church without invitation, I just saw him during offering and my heart skipped a beat, that’s when I knew I was in trouble.


Anyways, after about a month or less of all that, we went on our first real date to a very nice lounge on a real date, he told me about his family and their various antics which was really fascinating because my family is relatively small, normal and boring, just us three kids and the parents, he told me about his sisters, their kids, but what distinguished the date, was the way he looked at me, I could hear the sincerity in his voice, also he asked about my education, no guy has ever asked if I wanted to do a masters or what my career aspirations are, the date was really really deep for a first date.


Within the next month, I mentioned I was stressed out, wanted a vacation, (I had used all my previous vacation for my professional exams, this was my first vacation after qualifying professionally) but dint want to take time off and just be at home to be doing house work for my parents, so he invited me to his sister’s house in Port Harcourt, had no intention of going so I said I would think about it, my plan was to just post him endlessly, but somewhere along the line, I decided to go, so off we went to shell camp, port Harcourt for a week, his sister and her family were so nice and welcoming, I got to know him a lot better within that week, I got to see that family was important to him, I saw how great he was with his nephews, we shared with each other deep secrets, I spoke with his mum on the phone that week and he told me he loved me that week, I started falling in love with him that week. When the week was over I was sad to go back to Lagos, sad to go back to work.


We got back to the office, thought it would be weird but it wasn’t. It was like we were in a world of our won really, we saw each other everyday at work, and every weekend. Anyways, the next month, his friend was getting married in Abuja, so I went with him, met his other sister and her family in Abuja. Within the next five months I met his sister who lived in Lagos but was on vacation somewhere in Europe, then met his mum when she came back from the states, then he met my mum, and life went on till the proposal on my birthday.


Dating my colleague turned out to be not hard and awkward as I thought It would be, even though everybody at the office knew, cuz you can’t really hide love especially when it is mixed with romance and passion, it had it perks, seeing him everyday, having him smile at me everyday, being able to discuss work and work related activities everyday, the random breakfast, or lunch, or chocolates, or cake or muffins he treats me to. Infact changing jobs, which we are working on would get some getting used to.


Of course, we have our misunderstandings, quarrels, and down times but I have no shadow of doubt that I am marrying the man God designed for me, specially and custom made. I am glad and grateful, I was able to redeem the pledge which I made in church barely a year ago when I sowed that covenant seed. I am at a point where i can say i am very happy, my soul is happy, my skin is glowing (LOL). I guess all is well that ends well.

Finding love in the least likely place

As most of y’all know, I dated my ex for 6 years, he was my first boyfriend and we started dating in year two. He was tall, sweet, kind, selfless and things were almost perfect up till the point he was suspended from school for a session, which meant he had to graduate a year after me, he was so depressed and discouraged, I did my best to encourage him, endlessly scoured the bible for encouraging scriptures, etc. I remember telling him to see the situation like someone that came to school to study a five year course as opposed to a four year course

Unfortunately, the one extra year, led to another extra year, and another extra year, I began to resent the whole process, it was ridiculous to me, because, by that time I had finished nysc, had a decent job, became independent of my parents and he was still battling with school issues, I resented the fact that he was having carry overs upon carry overs, like really how hard was it to read?i resented the fact that i had to lie to my family, because my mom kept asking how he was! where he served? where he was working now? and i couldn't exactly say Hey mummy, he is still in school, three years after i had graduated.

However, I kept praying and fasting for him, for the nightmare to be over, 80% of the prayer request in my prayer book from 2006 - 2009 was about him and his situation.

Of course, we started quarreling about money, my office was close to the bank where my salary account was domiciled, so I gave him my ATM card and used my cheque book when I needed to, I cleared my account to contribute to his school fees once because his folks got tired of the endless regular school and summer school programmes, still i was too proud, not humble, not sensitive enough in his onw words about his situation. I wasn’t perfect cause looking back, I should have known that he was feeling emasculated and could have been more sensitive, but the whole situation was troubling and I wondered if i should break up with him

Anyways, things were not good, but not too bad until the physical abuse started, first was a slap, which I forgave cuz, my friends said I shouldn’t have said “if you were man enough” to a man that had self-esteem issues.

Then came the beating a year after which I forgave too, after much deliberation and tabling the matter on this blog i took a break from the relationship but maybe out of fear of the unknown or the fear of forfeiting all I had invested into the relationship (time, money, emotions, etc)i forgave him and took him back and we celebrated our fifth year together .

But a year after, a third beating after, one of the worse and most traumatic event of my life a year which he locked me in the house and acted like a mad man, said all sorts, I needed no shrink or counsellor to tell me it was time to flee for my dear life.


By then my perfect on paper guy had moved on. It was really tough period, lost about 9kg, cried a lot, pondered a lot, prayed a lot, went through bouts of sadness, i felt so so disappointed, i learnt my heart could literally

However i healed, sowed a covenant seed in church and proceeded to have fun, hung out with guys, went on dinner dates, went on drink dates, mostly with ND until I met my prince charming in the most unlikely place. THE OFFICE.

I have always hated office romance and could never imagine dating my fellow colleague. Details on how my heart won my head up in the next post. This is already very long as it is.

The Dress

Many girls dream about their wedding day before they are old enough to date, fortunately or unfortunately, I am not one of those girls. I have no wedding day envisioned in my mind, so people say “hope you get the wedding of your dreams”, I wonder if it is odd to reply “I actually have no dreams”. LOL.

The only thing I am sure about is that I don’t want a white wedding dress, maybe diamond white, but preferably ivory.

After copping the ring, I worked on the budget and the workplan which scheduled activities to start in August, and was prepared to just sit back and wait till august, however, my friends have been drumming continuously that I cannot plan a wedding in five months that I need to start NOW. No be money them dey use start planning?

Anyways, over the weekend, my friend that got engaged about the same time buzzed me to say she had ordered her wedding dress and I’m thinking to myself already??then she says it would take 5-6 months to be ready. Apparently that is the lifespan of ordering a decent dress, that chilled me out o! it means August would be cutting it close for “the dress”. Anyways she gave me a list of designers to check out Maggie Sottero, Oleg Cassinni, Anfred Angelo and a host of others.

I heard the UK is a very expensive place to get a dress and the US is better, however, me I no get power for US embassy stress, this means ordering online and fitting in Nigeria, which is beginning to seem like a long thing.

So another friend gave me the name and number of a Nigerian designer called Valerie Davids who schooled under Yemi Kosibah and I have an appointment to see her sometime next week, to see what she has done in the past, timelines, and pricing. I’m supposed to go with pictures so I guess its time to start checking out wedding dresses YAY!!!!

Any ideas of any good designer here or abroad or any tips/ hints/ etc to share?

I guess I also have to inform the bridesmaid officially because the two I have told unofficially are itching to pick their dress as well.

Happy new month by the way. The fiancé was promoted today, so I guess it’s going to be a great month.

First Hurdle Crossed

Spoke with my father on Saturday. Apologized first before stating my point and I guess it was a typical “daddy afraid to lose daughter reaction”. Cuz he had met my boo on numerous occasions, infact after I went to meet his mum when she got back from the US, he came to meet my parents, though it was nothing formal.

Anyways, the conversation was weird. He asked me where we met and how we started dating, his strengths, his weaknesses, at least two quarrels we have had in he past and how we settled, his family, his relationship with his family, his educational and professional qualifications, how he got born again, his church, his ministry, his baptism, etc. This whole talk took more than two hours.
My dad told me that from the little interactions they have had, that he really likes him and he sounded really intelligent (cuz they were able to talk on numerous topics) compared to my ex (insert embarrassed smiley here) and he is happy cuz I’m intelligent and he knows I need a man equally or more intelligent so I can have a balanced marriage. He then prayed for me. I cried a bit. LOL

So he said the boyfriend can come anytime, so he is coming next weekend. I’m really relieved and thankful to my mom for the part she played in all of this.

Anyways, the day after my birthday / the proposal. The boyfriend’s family called me one after the other to wish me happy birthday and also to say congrats on the engagement. His mum said “my daughter, welcome to the family”. LOL. Its weird cuz I always wanted a sister (being the only daughter of my parents). Now I am inheriting 5 sisters (cuz he is the only son of his parents).

So my friend sent me her wedding excel sheet with the budget and detailed tasks( I want to be really organized plus i'm an accountant so…). Total amount was 5.5 million. And I was at the wedding it was very nice and classy but nothing out of this world. Chilled me out o!. I really don’t want the wedding to cost so much was thinking more of 3-3.5 million max (kitchen and upgrading bachelor's pad to habitable home plus honey moon inclusive). Anyways let us see how it goes.